Chant for Happiness

I am very glad given todays economy that I have a stable career. Drugs to make you well or feel better are even more necessary in trying times. Job security, baby. Actually it came at a perfect time! If I was still in retail I would not get enough hours to live and the pay would be killing me. I probably would have to move in with my parents or end up homeless. I'm understanding that things happen for a reason and you cant always see it. I do feel that I am using up my 9 lives of luck. (I'm a Leo)

I feel some impatience growing in me. Now that I have tackled school and found my first job. I want all the things I have been working towards for so long - now! I'm trying to get my "ducks in a row" to be able to purchace a home, I miss having a dog, and I am ready to try dating again. Let me tackle these subjects one at a time. It is premature to think I am anywhere near ready to start looking for a house but I yearn for the permanence of ownership. I am working with some wonderful gals that want to help women to become home owners. To do this on my own would be very empowering. I have done so many things on my own to now but that would be the icing on the cake. I'm still getting my credit cleaned up and save some money. That will unfortunately take some time. Now that I have goals for my future I want it all!

As for a dog, I can probably have one in my apartment building now but the space is small. That is not fair to ant animal. Wil would be in charge more than me and he does not really want one. I need to respect that. He pointed out that it would change our rent and our lease in some way. We just went through a 4 month long recertification nightmare that has to be done yearly in our building. It has never taken that long or used several trees in the process. Everyone in the building agrees it is ridiculous to go through all this paperwork when after the first year it does not matter what you earn. This is our third year here and the first time we have been sooo harrassed about our lives! Both of us agree that we are not ready for that to happen again anytime soon!

Dating has not worked out so well for me. That is an understatement. I pick the wrong person for the wrong reason, give my whole heart and put too much into the relationship. I don't play games. I just want to meet an honest person to spend time with that isn't crazy. I would not think that would be a tall order but it is. I don't even know where I could meet this person as I don't go to bars or really anywhere besides work. I'm not a hermit but I don't do much outside of work like I used to. Perimenopause takes a lot of the wind out of my sails. I now understand why men leave their 40 something wives for a younger less hysterical version. It's not right but since it has been a in the closet taboo subject most people dont know or understand how difficult it can be for some women. The symptoms of menopause invades your body, personality and changes how you do everything. I'm one of the lucky ones, so far. I found a woman doc that specializes in teaching women how to get through menopause as easy as possible. I have my share of painful symptoms but I will make it.

I need to relax and continue to enjoy the simple things everyday. I should not expect to get it all just because I did one thing so far. I have been through a lot of changes this last year and need to just "be". Good things come to those who wait.