Rising from the ashes

I have traveled a long hard road since 1) leaving my husband and 2) finding myself standing at ground zero after Big Man. I have learned a lot and grown tremendously in that time. I've shared the stories of my parents, Ex - husband and Big Man. Now it's time for my story.

When I left my husband I began a much needed journey in finding myself again. I disappeared into what was expected of me and who others thought I was. When I had my epiphany it's like I woke up from a long sleep. I know my husband didn't like the subtle changes. It set a panic that turned into a major control freakout. I couldn't stop changing once it started and didn't want to. You have to be yourself . If you aren't your whole life is a lie. You will eventually get caught.

I started out in a rental house that he rented for one month. He told the kids it was just for a month while I got my plans together to go to school.(all along he told everybody it was a month to make plans then I would be back) That was a lie! I told him we were getting a divorce. From the beginning he has me as the bad guy. He plays the martyr and innocent victim to all who will listen.

For the first time in my life I was on my own and trying to make a living. I may be forty three but in terms of knowledge of getting on in the world and skills that apply to jobs I'm more at early twenties. I have surprised myself in a lot of ways and made (lots of) mistakes. All in all I'm proud of myself and my willingness to try.

I started to write this last march but got busy. Since then I have had to repeat myself to all the individuals that try to cut my world down. They don't listen to me and don't respect me or my decisions. They expect to have me bend over backwards so they can walk all over me and are completely miffed I wont play.
~ My ex husband is furious that he can no longer control me but more importantly my boys. He does everything he always yelled at me about and more. He claims I am keeping the boys from him. No, you did that all by yourself.
~ My ex, that has a bizarre recollection of our parting and the rules of relationship decorum, thinks I would want a friendship (or more) with him - WTF?
~ The family that left me all alone to find my way in the world now expects me to join back in the fold and suck it up for my kids. They don't know the person I am now and don't make any apologies for believing my ex- husbands lies. They left me alone when I needed them the most.

What I need now is for the unwanted folks to leave me alone and stop projecting your freakout on me. I am too busy trying to take care of life and have already had "that" conversation with you. Buh bye.