Stop the world and take a rest

After getting some life-important things done Wil and I had a great Asian based dinner while enjoying a Kill Bill marathon. I needed a movie or series that is inspiring to me these days. Wil used to enjoy Buffy and occiaonally is caught watching Charmed when I have it on but I felt I needed to go to a different source to get myself up. I also didn't want to do this alone so Buffy, L-Word, Dexter, Charmed or FlashDance would not do. (The alone thing is another sticky point with me. Long story for another rant.) Nick was at his girlfriends so Wil and I relied heavily on Trader Joes to help us get our Asian on. I felt that a good choice for a Kill Bill run. It was a much needed evening spent with my oldest partaking in food and movie we like.

There is so much that needs done NOW that I'm fading. By that I mean I emotionally and physically drained but cant stop or slow down. I need a job and a fixed computer NOW. I have been working on the computer for about a month and it is so close but . . . . I have had to neglect my hobbies, friends and stay in my own world. It has been difficult for me to find the beautiful in the world.

The boys are both in different degrees of distress. Nick has had some big problems that have made our lives tough. He is making some bad choices that effect us all and make day to day living hard. Wil is still trying to finish his testing for school but is not done. His dad is cutting off his child support on his 18th birthday (next month). That is really going to make it hard for us to stay where we are. I may not be able to keep the kids. I don't know what else I can do to fix this. I keep trying to get a good job so I can support my boys but it always seems like I'm looking!

I need some peace and some luck on my side. The world is like sandpaper to me right now. If I was not such a stubborn Leo I would not have made it this far. I am hurting but still standing.