Growing within the Music

Music has always been an important part of my world. Music can take me back to a place, time, person, feelings or all the above. It can be subtle reaction that makes me smile or like a body slam when you hear a song and are back to a painful place. It has always interested me how strongly these elements are intertwined. I wonder if others have this bond. Even more interesting to me is how we (I) deal with this.


A good example is when I hear The Smiths song on the radio (vs Psychedelic Furs cover for the series) and am reminded of Charmed. It fills me with good happy feelings. It's how you feel when you see an old friend. It amazes me how you can go from an ordinary day to smiles and cheer just from the feelings revived by a song. I have been in the car having a bad day when I hear a favorite or forgotten song that can put a smile on my face and a happy memory in my head.


A example of a bad experience is the fall after Big Man It was a beautiful fall day late in the afternoon. I was doing pretty well learning how to be the beautiful independent Me. I had been out to a movie with a friend. I had a fun time and when he started his car the radio was on. It was an all 80's weekend on KNRK and I had enjoyed hearing some of my favorite songs. The next song came on as my friend an I were talking about where to get dinner. I was paralyzed and the pain in my chest - whole body was incredible. I couldn't move, talk or breathe. All I could think was pain. The tears sprang forward and I could not help from sobbing. It was a song that was so closely tied to Big Man and how he said he "felt" for me. The first time I heard it with him we were in his car talking about "us" The song came on and he crumbled into tears. He said that this was how he felt now then he told me he loved me. When I heard that song on that late fall afternoon I felt it all. I wondered how I could be so happy one second but the next in hell, relieving pain.

I recently heard this same song while at open knit. I was talking to Melissa about a project I was working on. I didn't come unwrapped, in fact I commented to her that this song used to upset me greatly. It amazed me how it is just a song now. I guess I've grown more in the last year or two than I realized.