Million dollar baby

Last Saturday I had the evening un-planned, open if you will. Wil had a friend over and Nick was at a friends. I did a few errands in the late afternoon and rented a "girlie" movie. By the time I got home and watched some I got interrupted then D.B. called. It was late when we finished talking so I opted for bed and an early bike ride the next morning. I thought I could finish it the next day. I was wrong. It wasn't til after 8pm on Wednesday I had another opportunity.

I finally got all my errands done with Wil and the after the strange thought provoking fortune cookie. I asked Wil if he wanted to watch a movie or TV with his mom before I had to go to bed at 9. He asked if I ever finished my movie. I said no but if he wanted to watch with me I would start over. He said he could pick it up. I realize now that he was just being a thoughtful son. He didn't really want to watch it at all but knew that I wanted to spend more time with him. He wanted me to have a chance to finish it. He had asked Sunday morning if I finished. I told him not yet but it's good. I really relate to Maggie. She kept fighting. (and still standing despite the odds)

I decided tonight I wanted to finish it. I was really tired after a satisfying work week and just wanted to be at home. Earlier in the evening I went another two rounds with the ex-hubby and just wanted to rest. No worries, I got the points in those rounds but it does wear you out. When I started watching from where I left off I really got sucked in. I so relate to Maggie and needed to follow her heart with all she had. She was all she had until she had "The boss" in her corner. I cheered aloud as she learned lessons and made progress toward her dreams. When she was in the ring about to fight the German I saw the subtle shift. I got a hurt in the pit of my stomach. I knew something wasn't right. I was yelling at the TV and was shadow boxing trying to help her. She had to win but I knew she didn't stand a chance but I didn't know why. At the moment the gal cheated everything in my world and in the movie went in slow motion. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

For the rest of the movie I understood how she was dying inside just lying there, her dream gone. I was openly crying and in pain. Wil came and sat with me to see what was going on. Why was the hard working honest gal stuck in a useless body while the jealous cheater was walking, living free? Too close to home.


I went from thinking this was a new movie of inspiration to feeling hopeless pain. It is a good movie but made me feel too many things and have thoughts I cant right now. Movies are supposed to make you feel but even now tears are streaming down my face typing this. Wil keeps coming in to check on me. Too many things just under the surface for me. I need to just focus on what I'm doing and what needs to be done. I cant get sucked into the pit of need/want right now. It's not about me. I cant fix it anyway.

Not to worry about me. I'm just tired and thinking too hard. After all I am still standing despite all that wanted to watch me hit the canvas. Look at all I have done and walked away from even as others thought I was done for. Would not trade places with you. I like being me too much.