Nice to see the changes in me.

Yesterday while putting my bed together I let some information come to the surface. I looked at it and even stopped what I was doing for a moment and pondered. Then I gave myself a mental pat on the back and a big hug. I may not always do things in the "right way" or see the long run implications but I am trying and I am doing it for myself.

The first time I moved from the boys house to the rental house for a month and a half my parents helped me and I had four hours. It didn't go well.

The move from there to my first apartment on my own went well in my Travelall with Big Man helping. I didn't own much so it was easy. I lived there for a month or so as the Asst. Manager until (he) we lost the position.

Then we moved in together where we lived for a year and a half. We had gone garage sale shopping for me so I had some stuff but he had boxes and boxes that even he didn't know what was in them! We didn't have time to sort them before the move so we did it after. We should have just as well dropped them off at Goodwill to start. That's where most of it ended up anyway.

The move from Big Man was heart wrenching for me and traumatic for those around me. I did break down a couple of times but then got it together. I am so thankful to this day for the people that dropped everything with a day or less notice to help me vacate without a big row. Big Man did not want me to take some of my stuff. Most was not packed and we were scrambling to get it moved! He felt he "earned it" putting up with my ex-husband and nutty family. I disagreed. While it was a bold move for me to "stand up" to Big Man and leave I still had a long way to go in being self reliant.

I enjoyed my double studio in NW Portland. I feel I really got in touch with "me" and went through a lot of my past baggage with Bev in our sessions. She helped me to let go of Big Man and see what a great Woman was inside me waiting to get out and just be! She was always there but couldn't get past the gate keeper. I will always have fond memories of my time at The Baker Apartments. I fought hard to stay there but knew when I had to leave and re-group. I was proud of myself for making the decision to leave on my own. That was a physically tough move for me. I was still in a cast and I had to have my surgery five days before I had to be out. I did most of that move by myself.

It was a joyous occasion when I moved next door to Wil's school. I truly thought I would be there for two years until he graduated. It was not my first choice of an area to move to but really came to appreciate the area. The 205 bike path, a great skate park close, shops I use a lot very close and very close to Acrop! (I only go there for the steaks! ;) ) I got a fair bit prepped in moving in before the gang helped on moving day. I had moved and put my bed together and had the kitchen and bathrooms set up. I hired and drove the fourteen foot U-Haul truck myself.

In moving here there has been some happenstances I will post later but what has made me most proud of myself are a couple of things. While I want to do things right I have let go of the rigid standards I had to live with for so many years. I don't work myself into exhaustion. I have come to be a more self reliant, confident woman. I may not always "do it right" but I take ownership.

So as I was putting my bed together I remembered the move into The Baker apartments. I asked Bill to please be in charge of my bed. It needed to be taken apart to move and I asked him to please put it together at the new place. I didn't think I could do it. I knew I had directions but had no idea where they were. He did so without directions and while taking care of Justin. (That is impressive.) The next time I moved I had the directions and I took apart and built it myself. Nick took it apart the other day while I was at work. As I began sorting out some of Nick's bed that ended up with my frame (same style from IKEA) I started easily building mine by myself without the directions. In the midst of that task I realized how far I had come and was proud of Me.

Bill was at Comedy Sportz last night. I had just come back with a load from the old and knew that Wil (I thought) and Josh (for sure) were asleep (6:45 at night) having stayed up all night! Ken had stopped by before doing door at CSz to figure out why the surround sound didn't work on TV just DVD. I helped set up before the show before getting back to work. I started to tell Bill the bed story and he interrupted me and said. I have enjoyed watching you over the recent years become more self sufficient, no, self reliant. It has been nice to see. That was so nice to hear. Thanks Bill. That really meant a lot to me and just how I'm feeling.