Sassy is awesome!

I used to have a regular customer (at Starbucks) I called Sassy. she wasn't obvious in her behavior but there was just something about her. She was - well sassy. When I saw her enter my store I would yell "Sassy's in da house" or " here comes Sassy" or even "SASSY!!". (much like Jim Carey as the MASK saying "Smoking!") She loved it and yelled back at me (both of us in a New Jersery accent) at first it was customer identification but turned into much more.

I started to see Sassy as a beautiful, funny, clever, curvey, awesome woman. Yup, I had a crush on her. It was more than that but I can't come up with a better word. My pulse quickened when I saw her come in my store. I was so happy just to see her and talk to her. If it was a time she would usually come in I would look every time the door opened.

I invited her over to my place when her boyfriend was out of town one weekend. For wine and a movie I told her. That was all I expected. I just wanted to be near her and spend time outside of Starbucks . The wine flowed (not a lot) and we started talking. She told me about her insecurities about her boyfriend going to France for a year and her not being able to go too. Would he find a french girl and she would lose him. She didn't realize how special she was! He should have been worrying about her being alone here and all that would line up to be with her. He really didn't deserve her but she had not yet realized that. She was at a tough spot near the end of her time at college and trying to see herself in the real world. (she was 22 at the time.)

Let's just say the comfort turned into more. It was mutual consent and participation. She seemed fine the next time I saw her a couple days later. She even came over one evening a few nights later. We seemed to be very well matched. After that she disappeared. I didn't see her for many months. She wouldn't answer my voice mails. I only left a few and got the message. I ran into her and her boyfriend one day several months later. I felt like the wind got knocked out of me. She did finally call me after that to explain her actions. She was afraid of her feelings and all the implications.

Sassy broke my already fragile heart. All this happened at the end of my relationship with Big Man and my new freedom in the aftermath. Even now when I think I see her in a crowd I go weak at the knees. One never forgets a first. She was mine.