Big Man and Me ; Part III of the trilogy of badness in Marta's World

We met at Comedy Sportz. His was class after mine but 3 months later. His class was the first class to have level 1.5 available right after level one. The original name was "Stun Gun" and was taught by Kent. It was made available to all in level two. I thought it was a good idea to take it .

He said when I walked into the arena it was love at first sight for him. Later when he found out I was married and had two boys he vowed to be the best friend he could be. I guess it was obvious I was troubled, at least to him.

For Me I was still married but waiting for the summer. I tried to get my husband to work on stuff-our marriage and himself but it was inevitable the outcome. He was checked out of the relationship and family. It wasn't until after I told him I wanted a divorce did he go crazy. That's when he started writing love letters telling me he was head over heels in love with me. I knew things wouldn't change. Actually for me they already had. It was two years too late.

Big Man and I became fast friends - best friends. He seemed to know me as well as I knew myself. He would finish thoughts and sentences for me and I for him. He was the only person I told about my decision. We had many long talks with him playing devil's advocate on my husband's behalf. He had selfish motivation but really did help me a lot. I don't know if I would have made it through all that without his help. I still didn't know of the strength within me. I sure didn't have anybody else to turn to. I never dreamed he would be my only support.

I realized my feelings for him had deepened and changed. I didn't know what to do or who to talk to. I didn't want to lose my best friend by falling in love! I felt a bit awkward around him so I thought if I tell him we can have a good laugh and move on. He looked at me with an intense stare that seemed to look through me and listened. There was a brief silence then he let out a big breath almost as if he had been holding it . He said "Oh thank god! I have been in love with you from the moment you walked into my class" It was my turn to be silent. Not the reaction I was expecting. I had no idea where to go with this. He said lets call it a night and talk tomorrow. I was dumb founded!

I went home with so many thoughts going through my head I couldn't make out a single one. The next day I knew one thing. This wasn't the time to start a new relationship. I tried to stand firm on this for a long time but he just kept after me with all the reasons we should be together. He told me he was in love with me and wanted to (for the first time) get married. He even saw us having kids. What?!? He had never wanted that before. He is a great salesman. He said things I wanted to hear from someone. I was starved for attention I believed it all. What he was saying sounded so good I finally stopped fighting.

I will say this one last time for the record. I, Marta, did NOT have an affair with anyone before leaving my husband! I'm tired of having to say this . Sure I did some things "wrong" and wish I could have a do over but I would have still left "for Me." There wasn't anything good left in that relationship except our boys.

Big Man helped me get my own apartment and the job as Asst. Manager of the complex so I could get a break on my rent. He didn't make much money as the manager but paid for everything I/We needed until I got a job. We settled into a nice life together despite my husband (I was separated from and had asked for a divorce ) and my parents harassing thw both of us.

Unfortunately the manager/asst. mgr. Jobs weren't working out. The property management company had unreal expectations for a two person operation. We worked our behinds off trying to please them but in the end they fired us. They gave us two weeks to move instead of the usual 72 hours. He got us a two bedroom apartment at his old complex that I helped him mve from . We were going to be just roommates but that just didn't seem to happen. I'm guessing that was his plan

We made it through a lot of bad situations. Husband stalking me and calling several times a day to harass me on both my phone as well as Big Man's. My parents un- inviting me at Christmas, husband keeping the kids from me, and everyone telling me constantly that I did it wrong. It just made our bond stronger. We almost lost our apartment more than once. Two people trying to live on a part time salary? We had it tough.

After the divorce finally went through (a year after I left) people asked us when we were getting married. I wasn't in a rush as I just got out of one marriage. . That's when he started to back peddle. He was afraid of the big "M". I didn't see the writing on the wall. I believed the fantasy he had been telling us both for so long. When it was late at night we would cuddle up together and he would tell "our story". Or if we were driving somewhere, while we were making love, painting apartments, on the phone. You get the way it was?

Our story was a beautiful fantasy I still remember at odd times and get a twinge. Not to be with him again but the story was so nice and got me through some hard times. It wasn't aiming for the moon either. Just a story of two people happy to be together and being content with the simple pleasures. Here, he will tell you.

(Big Man telling the story) We will get married in the fall. A small but traditional wedding. I want to see you in a beautiful dress coming down the isle smiling at me. Our family there with us. We will induldge ourselves by having a honeymoon in Germany during Octoberfest. We will stay with my mother's family. I will have that radio job I'm destine to get. That will make me so happy! Just think how good it will be for us when I'm happy with myself!

We will buy a small house that needs fixed up. I will enjoy doing all the work making it just the way we want it. We can work together. It will have a small easy to maintain yard. You can get a dog of your own. I know you miss having a dog that's yours.

You wont have to work if you don't want. I don't want you to. Go back to school, do a hobby like pottery you enjoy. You could probably make money doing something you love like me in radio.

It will be a great life with you in it. Thank you for loving me. I love you BeBe with all I am.

I know reading it now it sounds sappy but he is a good salesman! I needed to be that for someone. I hadn't found Me yet. I was just waking up to who I really am. I didn't have the confidence to BE yet.

Things slowly changed after the divorce. He started to do more things with his life long friend. Never a good thing since said friend has no responsibility. (he is 34 and still lives with his parents) That's when the back peddling started and unknown to me he started cheating on me. There was more than one woman. It lead up to him contacting a woman he was in love with 8 years before. She was married at the time they worked together. He "just couldn't forget her." He started a relationship with her while still living and sleeping with me. I found out by accident a month later. Ironically as he was slowly pulling away I was beginning to see him in the light for the first time. I was starting to think this wasn't what I wanted. If I would have had another month I would have left him on my own.

As it was I found out on a Saturday night we had the boys. Deeg, Renee and her boys were over. Big Man was acting weird. He got a phone call and had to go out to "help his friend" who ran out of gas on a first date. We all looked at each other like "?!?!" Nick borrowed his phone to call a soccer mom about his ride the next morning. Nick had gone into the bathroom to make the call. He pulled me in to help find the number. At first I was intent on finding the name. The third time through I started seeing all these women's names never mentioned before. I saw her name among them. He had mentioned her before. He opened the bathroom door and seeing the phone in my hand and the look on my face knew he was caught.

After we put the boys to bed he told me he loved me but wasn't in love with me anymore. (sound familiar) I felt like a nuclear bomb had gone off. I was left at ground zero. The physical pain had me doubled over. I was in shock for the next month. He wanted me to move out (in two weeks) and his friend would move in. I had no idea how I was going to live on my own on my salary. In one conversation I lost EVERYTHING. My love, best friend, family and place to live. Nothing was familiar or comfortable. I felt so alone and ashamed.