How do you answer a question like that?

When I first told my parents I was ending my relationship with my husband they said I should stay in the marriage until the boys were out of high school. Not what I expected. Actually I was completely taken by surprise. I fully expected 100 % support since that is what I had gotten up until then. I was 38 years old in one of the biggest decisions/crisis of my life and I found myself on my own.

The next several months were horrible. My parents kept telling me I "did it wrong". "Ask him to take you back and it will be okay". I didn't understand their behavior. We didn't speak much and usually only in exchanging the boys. the three blows I couldn't recover from were; my parents support of my ex, that first Christmas single and the question that made me wonder about my moms sanity.

I left my husband in late July and in September I got a morning phone call from my mom. I had just woke up around 10am having gotten home from work after 11pm the night before. She started out sounding strange but in semi small talk. She soon changed the topic to the fact that hubby was canceling me from his health insurance plan by the end of the month. How was I feeling? When was the last complete physical I had? I said it had been a couple of years,why? She asked me to get an appointment soon and she would even pay for it. I was puzzled by this and growing frustrated by her bulling insistence. Then she said "ask to get a brain scan". WHAT!!!! "I cant see why you are doing this (divorce) except that I think you have a brain tumor". I was speechless! She went on to say it would be alright blah blah. I finally found some words and told her she was the looney and hung up.

my family always celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve. That started when my dad was a kid. My grandfather was the postmaster general in Hood River. He worked on Christmas day in the morning delivering mail and packages. We just kept the tradition many years later. We have a meal between lunch and dinner then open presents. I thought since hubby's family did traditional Christmas I would get the boys on the eve and him the day. Logical but wrong.

My mom called me on Dec. 18th again in the morning waking us up. By this time Big Man and I were living together which is another long post or two that I will get to later. She called to say that I was certainly invited to any family function BUT I had to come alone meaning no Big Man. I told her that Big Man was a part of my life and I wouldn't exclude him. "why don't you give him a chance? Get to know him" I said. That's when she said "I'm sorry you feel that way. I want the boys at the family celebration. "Hubby" is bringing the boys so you are not welcome. I was not invited to Christmas eve. I was so hurt I couldn't breathe. Big Man thought I was having a stroke or something. Then I started crying so hard and with such pain he was beside himself. I was finally able to tell him what happened. He took my phone and called my mom back. He tore her to bits! He couldn't believe my family would do that. He wasn't sure up to that point what to think about what I had told him regarding them. He thought I was leaving something out. That's when he decided my family was loopy. His family would be mine too.

I'm not blaming anyone for decisions I made for you are ultimately responsible for all of your actions. I don't think I would have made some of the choices I made in this all ready hard time if I would of had a support system in place. I don't think Big Man and I would have gotten past dating. Had my parents supported me I don't think I would have had anything less than joint and equal custody of our children. I would of still have divorced him but perhaps we would have a better relationship in raising our children. All speculation but having lived through it that's my take.