Ah, back to school

As an adult I still look forward to back to school time. I always felt a mixture of dread and renewal as a kid. I dreaded homework! I looked forward to seeing people I had not seen since school let out for the summer. There was new crayons, clothes, football, and fall. I don't feel the dread now. I remember soooooooo looking forward to the first year of high school. Lots of new people to meet and tons of boys! I went to a small neighborhood grade school so not many changes there. The kids had been the same since Kindergarten. People didn't move as much as they do now. It was going to be a big change but I was ready for it.

On the first day of school in 1st period I met the girl that would be my best friend all through high school. Her name was Elizabeth Butcher. We were both shy but determined to enjoy our new freedom. We truly helped the other survive high school and being a teenage girls. I don't think I would have made it to graduation without her.

The first week of school there were posters to join all sorts of clubs. I went to one or two meetings. Near the end of the first week there was a poster for cross country. "join the #1 team in the state 3 years running! Make new friends and enjoy fall in Washington park." I love fall and Washington park so Elizabeth and I went to the meeting. We had NO idea what cross country was but we were about to find out!

At the meeting there were these two guys, Paul and Rob. They were really good friends, awesome runners, really nice and our secret love interests! Oddly we both fell hard but not for the same guy. We had endless conversations about these guys. "when we get married..." Was the common theme. We spent a lot of time just trying to be near these two. Did I mention Paul (my guy) was a sophomore and Rob a junior. They had girlfriends and never looked our way?

So, cross country was hard at first but I loved it. I was forced to stop running in my 20's due to hip injury but running was my passion. The coach was hard on us but that's why we won, usually by sweep, in almost every meet and category. Mr. Dave Bailey started the discipline that is the "tough buff" me today.

Elizabeth had a hard family life and as we got to the end of our senior year she started pushing all of her friends away. She couldn't wait to move out of her dad's house and restart her life without shame. Her dad had sexually abused her from pre-teen years on. My mom is the one that figured it out. We tried to help her but she didn't get that it wasn't her fault. She was so ashamed. After graduation she disappeared. I have seen her from time to time but when she sees me she bolts. My mom and other high school friends have reported the same reaction. To this day I feel I could of done more for her. I just don't know what. I still miss her.

As for Paul. I saw him the summer after I graduated high school. We ran into each other at a 5 mile run. (no pun intended) He told me he had wanted to ask me out the end of his senior year but didn't want to be rejected! Then he did ask me out but I turned him down . I was already seeing someone seriously. The funny thing is when I really talked to him he wasn't that hot. He was a great painful fantasy that I got to see closure on.

I guess you could say this year my renewal isn't going back to school but making changes for the better. Last couple of months I have had a flood of memories and nostalgia with some regrets. Despite the bad things happening I'm feeling good about me. I didn't quit or wait for someone else to " fix it". I have kept going through the pain to come out the other side stronger and better than ever. I am Marta hear me roar!