The fog is clearing

For all this to happen while I'm the sickest I have been in about four years hasn't helped. I'm still sick and feel it from the moment I wake up. I am mobile but really taking it easy and getting as much sleep as I need. I wish I could eat better but my temp job is currently 15 hours a week. We are trying to stretch that into 22 to 25 if possible. There really isn't that much work. It's not a hard job but not one I choose to have. If my unemployment hadn't of run out I would not take this job. I am grateful to have some income after so many months of nothing.

I will try to fill you in as much as I can. There is a lot that I'm dazed about. So here you go!

My temp job is the Lunch Proctor (cool title for a not cool job) at a call center training facility. Not a sales center but for customer reps for big company's. There are three double classrooms, a break room, a set of bathrooms, five offices one being a double and a janitors closet (no sink) a.k.a my office. The break room has a sink, microwaves, four vending machines, 2 refrigerators, 2 long tables with 8 chairs and 3 garbage cans. In front and in the back of the building are designated smoking areas. My job is to keep the building in and out looking good during my shift. Right now I'm 11am to 2pm. We are going to stretch it to be 10:30 to 3or 4pm. Classes go from 6 in the morning to 11 at night. There is a team of night janitors that do most of the heavy cleaning inside.

I spend a lot of time cleaning up after smokers. I don't smoke and have nothing against smokers. I don't like to have it in my face or have my clothes smell after I have been to a bar or show but it's a free country. What I want to know is this, if a nice place to sit or stand under cover with a easily accessible ash can are maintained for you why not use it? In the front there is a nice ash tray yet people use the walkway, the parking lot, the landscape even the sidewalk in front of the ashtray. I don't get it. Is it a too cool thing? Whatever it is I get to patrol the area picking up butts and garbage. There are big garbage cans at these convenient smoking locations I rarely have to empty. Okay, I'm done ranting about inconsiderate people. Before the smokers go off on me I'm not saying all the mess is from smokers.

Now for the choices I have after all this time. In taking the LP job I found out about the call center job. I have been hired and start on March 28th. It is five weeks of paid training to be a Customer Service Rep. For a wireless company. The job is full time especially since the center is open 24/7/holidays. The pay is about what I was making on unemployment and less than Starbucks (not including tips) but they say if you do the job well there is raises and bonus'. They cant hire enough folks for this. (if you are interested I will give you the info. I would get a bonus for referring someone)

The training and the call center are 1/2 mile from each other and less than a mile from Wil's school. What would be awesome is to get an apartment close to Wil's school. There are some nice ones with pools I could afford. For $25. more than my double studio rent was. I could get a one or possibly 2 bedroom apartment.

During football season his ride plays football so Wil has to wait from 2:30 to 5:30 to get his ride home. If I lived within walking distance he would have somewhere to go instead of roaming the school grounds. That would make me feel better.

The other choice is one that I have been perusing for awhile. It is a 3 month program for women at Mount Hood Community College (MHCC). It is on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday from 10am to 1pm. There is 8 to 10 hours of homework. I also think there is more depending on what you hope to accomplish. I see it as my future and I would do any and everything to be in a good position! They help you with a variety of things starting with child care, transportation and possibly housing and jobs. Not sure on the last two. It is a college prep course plus. They help with financial aid, grant writing, career counseling and course planning. You take college placement tests and other testing to see what you would be good at and what you think you would enjoy. Basically what I didn't get in my late teens. There is a lot of mentoring and emotional support too. After you complete the program if you register for college the program pays two years of health insurance for you!

My parents couldn't afford college or loans so I was on my own. What I did go to I worked full time to afford. At one point when I was twenty I was going to Portland State University full time (3.8 GPA) working a retail job full time and training for the Portland Marathon. I lived at my parents but I paid rent and had chores.

The ex (I met when I was just shy of 18 years old having just graduated from high school) "needed" me while he went to Stanford so I lived there on and off going to school and working. It was really hard on me with no support system and the rent was high. Yes he was my fiancee but he was also working and taking full loads every semester. I supported him more than the other way around.

Back to the program. It also starts the last week in March. I'm going to the orientation on Thursday. I would rather start this program so I can get my life "started" but we are back to two basic problems. I would have to give up the LP job and I would not have housing. We all know how long this took to get that job! Where I am living was to be temporary and I have outlived my welcome. It is hard to have the boys, DB or any other guests. All (any) of it disturbs one of my roommates. It isn't a comfortable situation for any of us anymore. I need my own permanent space and the boys need to feel that my place is also theirs.

What I'm probably going to have to do is start the call center training and job now and take the program this fall. I cant do both at the same time. The training is 6am to 2:30 pm for 5 weeks. (I am in the program and can start any time as long as I do a few requirements before the program start day) I would get an apartment and start to save what I could. My ex is considering either canceling or putting the child support on hold for a later determined amount of time. He "didn't know" I was being threatened with imprisonment soon. I also couldn't pass a criminal background check and credit check for an apartment with the child support / in collections the way it is.

I will know more on Thursday after the orientation. If they could help with job and housing I would do this. I want to talk to someone there or make an appointment to get the facts before the call center starts. So you can see why my brain is on overload. All of this has come so fast and I'm trying to make the best decisions I can for my future. Also the Twilight Zone feeling after the 2 1/2 hour conversation (mostly positive) with the ex. We haven't talked like that in YEARS.

Let me end this by saying I want a life!

" You think you know what you are, what's to come. You haven't even begun" The First Slayer