My brain is leaking out through my fingers!

The sun is shining this morning and just looks so nice. I have some things I need to take care or before work today so I need to keep this brief. I do remember some of the good parts of yesterdays post but I have more to say so here!

More info has trickled in to help me with my choices but it looks like it is take the Customer Rep. Job now at full time and next fall cut down to take the Transitions program. Thursday I go to the orientation. I would start school as soon as made sense depending on what I'm doing and the offering times for those classes. Sometimes they are a year long and only start in the fall.

Just typing I'm a bit sad at the thought of waiting another year and a half. That probably wont be the case as I could take other requirements and such. I cant believe I'm finally going forward! I'm even shaking and crying with relief and HAPPINESS as I type this. Is this really happening? Please don't be a horrible cosmic / ex husband joke.

I do feel a bit better this morning. By the time I got home last night around 8:30 I was wiped! I tried to post but I just couldn't remember or focus. I did get some errands and a bit of fun done after picking Hot Point up from Swede One. I went to Target and got a few things I needed and wandered just enjoying being out among people.

I'm not sleeping well with so much swirling through my brain. Being sick for so long I'm "behind" in general life. Needing to make so many choices quickly that determine where I will live and what direction I'm moving not only for myself but for my boys. Worrying if I'm making the right decisions.

Wandering through Target reminding me of what it's like to have loved ones and a close support system. I do miss the daily obligation of being and having that. When you need a hug or advice there is someone to help make it better. I wouldn't want a mediocre or bad relationship with someone that either lived with or was no more than 20 minutes away just to have some body. What I have right now is awesome! Really my only complaint is the distance. Phone time sometimes just doesn't cut it. I have great friends that support and help me mightily. I'm still not used to (after 4 years!) being all alone - no family. Again I wouldn't want bodies and game playing. I hope this is making sense.

Just typing this I have so many thoughts and emotions hitting me it phyically hurts! So many promises and betrayals in the last four years. How have I survived and kept going forward? Where did all this strength come from? I sure picked the right avatar for CSz forums all those many years ago!

Now, I'm taking a shower and gather my needs for the day. Another long one starting with work at 11am and non- stop from there until I get home from dropping the boys back home around 9:30. Nomally I'm up for that but I'm still only at about 65 percent. Working on it! Don't see this as a woe is me or whinny post. Just typing out loud. I'm doing mentally well with choices but I'm in yet another holding pattern. No more temporary I want solid!