To catch up would be nice

It seems my lunch time is not long enough for a whole story update. The problem with a cliff hanger is I never get to the next part! Usually what happens is I get too busy but something new happens I want to post about. I have been asked to finish some stories and tell the "what happened after . . . " I cant promise but if things get calm I will go back and finish stories.

I would like to tell you Wil is fine as is Nick. There is a long story (s) there but. . . another time.

Work is better and I seem to be catching up/on. I just need to be comfortable in my own skin there. It will come with time.

As for D.B., I adore him endlessly and miss him terribly when we are apart. There in lies the problem for me. I would like a more full time (same city) boyfriend but that is not what will happen with D.B.. We live where we do because of our kids. That isn't the only reason but that is the main one. Sometimes I get angry at the situation but not the man. I just cant have it all, for now.

Today started out good for these reasons. I made it to my train on time, got to hang my bike, got a seat near my bike and enjoyed listening to Prince while knitting. I even got lost listening to Prince remembering the awesome concert I went to last January with D.B. It was nice.

Post note 8 something pm

As I was tying my cycle shoes I was asked if I had a moment by my boss. Not really as I had not two but three teenage boys waiting for me. It turns out I was not wanted anymore at T.E. My first thought was of my boys depending on me and my lease. I can deal with shit and homelessness (look at a year ago) but kids don't deserve that. Fuck me. They cant go back to their dad! He fucked them up royally. Fuck me but not kids! Guess the shock is wearing off and I'm getting good and mad.

As I gathered what would fit in my backpack I couldn't fit it all. After the fact I have lots of yogurt and cheese sticks in the T.E. fridge my kids would love but I'm out that. As I peddled away I was about three blocks when I realized I had a T.E. headlight that was borrowed as long as you worked there and was turning around to return it. I looked down and they had already stripped it from my bike - my personal space. I felt really sad and violated at the same time. That made me realize they didn't know me at all. I don't want ill gotten gains and I would never keep what didn't belong to me! As I have found things that belonged to my ex's or anyone I have gone out of my way to return things. I have so much more to say but will leave it be for now.

Both boys are hurting right now and didn't need another (big) worry. Nick most likely needs surgery and Wil (and probably Nick) need to change schools.

I'm upset, angry, sad and overwhelmed but Still Standing.

Here I am here I am here I am,
I'm back at the cross roads again,
Let me stand let me stand let me stand,
on the mountian again
The Explosion