It is about Me (in my head)

I have been mulling some thoughts and wants around in my head for sometime now. I have put some things important-to-me on hold while I still have Wil living with me. I thought it would be short term when we moved here 5ish years ago! I thought the boys would get through high school and move on. It looks like it will still be a few more years for Wil. I told Wil he could live with me until he finishes school. I want to be a supportive parent and give the push he needs to start his grown up life so here I stay for now.

One thing I need is living in a more suitable place for me. I want one that has actual outdoor space with garden , a work area that has space to store tools and projects in progress. I need to be able to start a project and not have to finish and clean up in a short amount of time like when I work at my parents garage/yard. The type of projects I like to do require dry time and several days of adding layers or what have you. I have tried to work on things at my parents or in the parking lot of my building, Nells (before they opened) or Comedy Sportz (before the Oregon Jewish Museum opened) but it isn't enough! I have soooo many projects busting out of my head and not enough time to work on them the way I need to. Some have been bashing to get out and done for a bit. It is beyond frustrating to my creative side.

The other important thing I have put on hold since moving here is being a dog owner again. This is the longest period in my life that I have not had a dog in my life. I have had some great close relationships with my dogs through the years. They were always there for me and "on my side" but more importantly my companion. Henry was a golden retriever stray I had for many years. She was a great companion that was so in tune with me. She got me through tough times and brought me great joy on a daily basis. I still miss her and that was over 20 years ago! Right now in my life I need that special bond. I have a lot going on in my life that is scary and hard. As always, I have tried in my own "Marta way" to keep moving in a positive way but need a little help. I have elderly parents (don't tell them that) I am starting to worry about, two sons that need to grow up some more, work is wonky and dating is not working. The creative is still moving forward but stifled. I really want and need a dog that is my steady friend. My building is a no pets - "unless you have a special note from your doc zone". I'm not wanting to break any rules but honestly feel that at this point in my life I really do need this for me to help me help myself cope. I feel like I am turning into a little old lady weighed down by the mental weight I am carrying about. This can really take a lot out of you physically! I come home in the winter and chill at home all lazy like. I need a purpose and meaning to get out of this funk I'm settling in. Cycling therapy has always helped but it has been too chilly/wet this winter to "work it" soooo . . . I have my projects but the frustration of lack of space and cold temperature has put a hold on a lot. That adds to the mental weight I am feeling. I can only plan and make ready with so much on my projects until the weather turns. Basically instead of therapy and zombie drugs to (not) cope with "life's up's and downs" I want pet therapy instead. The peri-menopause is really clamping down hard on me too as well as my feet pain acting up. I'm not feeling sorry for myself but the opposite - I'm trying to pick myself back up! I am still standing but want a four legged friend by my side to find my spunk fire again. Doesn't everyone want a side kick? I am going to my doc on Monday to discuss this with her and see if she agrees with my thought train. I feel hopeful having written my thoughts down, made the doc appointment and even started looking online at adoption sites. I even gave Ken the heads up so he can give me the inside track at the Humane Society. I know the whole process will take some time if it moves forward but feeling proactive in the process is very uplifting.