Kcirt ro Taert!

Here is a Ken moment

You da man!

This post is all about my wonderful giving friend Ken. He is a very awesome person. He does what most of us think we should and don't, volunteer work. He was the Humane Society "Volunteer of the Year" two years running! Even after getting bitten in the face by a freaked out dog he continued to give most of his free time on a daily basis. By the way he does this on top of a more than full time job and practically being The door staff at Comedy Sportz every weekend. He also is the camera person for his church.

The reasons I'm telling you all about Ken are these. I'm very proud of the work he has been doing but right now he is in New Orleans having been deployed by the Red Cross for three weeks. The other reason is he is a great guy and I know he is lonely. He deserves a woman in his life to give him some joy. I wish I had a picture of him to post here. I'll dig!

I would like to put it out there that he is a straight guy that treats all people with courtesy and respect. He has a delightful sense of humor and quick wit. Ken is a great sounding board and problem solver. In working with him in our long form group I really got to know a lot more about Ken. He has had an interesting life so far and I don't see that changing. With all he has done he isn't one to brag or get full of himself. He is even keeled and well balanced.

He doesn't always take the best care of himself but if you were in his life you would be happy and secure but never bored. He has a nice voice and can easily change it to "Radio Guy" or a bit deeper. Imagine that whispering in your ear, ladies. I think given his big heart and fantastic nature would be a great guy to date.

If you want to know more about Ken if you are in the Portland/ Vancouver area drop me an e-mail. Oh, yes he is easy on the eyes too.

When you least expect it

Things have been all over the map as far as good/bad, comfort/sandpaper, and seeing the good simple things. It hasn't helped that I just ended hormone hell that is so much worse when I don't have time to exercise. I started gimping the last couple of days too which pisses me off.

I was coming off stage at Thursday Academy last night and my ankle did a catch thing that makes me lose my balance a bit. The person off stage that I was coming towards looked panicked. I caught myself as I screamed profanities in my head. That hasn't happened in so long I almost forgot what that was like!

Here is some silly goodness to tell. I won tickets to an awesome show that is tonight at Doug Fir.

FRIDAY Let the hijinx and festivities begin! Halloween weekend is upon us and this show is going to be fantastic. The ATOMIC BOMBSHELLS are a fancy, sexy, and risqué burlesque troop from Seattle who have been getting lots of attention from the Seattle locals and press up and down the West Coast. Making this their Portland premier, the Bombshells put on a hell of a show, fully choreographed, costumed and scored – these voluptuous vixens will titillate, delight and entertain old school burlesque style. Come help support the Bombshells in Portland! Plus, the amazing and talented AMBER MARTIN (formerly of House of Cunt), fresh from a tour of duty in NYC is back to delight you all with her serio-monologic musical stylingsÂ…if you haven't seen her bust through her insanely funny host of divas, you have truly been missing outÂ…she is one of Portland's greatest talents. Enjoy!

Now if that doesn't cheer a gal up this surely will. Deeg texted me asking if I had plans tonight (besides WWE/knitty) and I told him of my winnings and asked if he wanted to be my date as my boyfriend is "out of town". He said his date is sick and he wanted to take me to the Red Elvises at Dontes! As it turns out the two shows are close together in proximity and we can start at mine and then head to R.E.! The only catch is the boys. Wil had plans that changed and changed again? Nick was invited to a friends but then they remembered they had a class Saturday morning and cancelled. I don't want to leave Nick while I am gone a long time. I'm just that way so. . . stay tuned.

Me

After being sick for a week and my period starting (yuck) on Saturday I think I'm on the upswing. There is still lots of tasks to tackle but I feel I did a fair start the last couple days.

Yesterday I started the transformation of our little place trying to make it more cozy and finish moving in! We still have a few (?) boxes shoved in closets. After the CSz Farm Team show four wonderful folks came over and helped move the TV from hell and the very heavy entertainment center it sits on. It took us less than five minutes to move but it sooo helped! Thanks to Brooke, Les, Chris and Karin we were able to finish moving our main living area. It's better than it was but not quite what I had in mind. It's a hard space to deal with.

I'm glad I went to help out at the farm team show last night! Herb was the Ref but also the door staff. We had an audience of 60 folks! Only four of those were comps. The F.T. usually has between 12-20 but lately the numbers have grown as we have a great bunch of players. There are folks that come to watch that don't know anyone in the show! They just want to see a CSz show.

There is a Pro-Am on 10/30 but I am not in it again. I just cant make workshops sometimes with all that's going on in the boys and my world. I was hoping to play one day soon! I was disappointed when lines came out for this last show but I shouldn't expect to play if I'm not around. I don't remember the last time I was in a show. I don't see playing Eugene since I am a FULLTIME 27/7/365 mom. It's a lot of planning, expense and imposing on my adorable D.B. It's a lot to ask of Wil, Nick and D.B.

I was able to continue the job search and work on some cover letters today. Nothing much out there but you gotta work to find work. I will continue until I find something that works.

Yes, I'm overwhelmed and a bit down by the big picture but I just gotta keep going. Sitting doing nothing never solved anything. It just gets hard when the world acts like sandpaper against me as I try to move through life. I have to see the simple things as precious and treasure them.

Tonight RAW is on and I will indulge in some knitty time. I sure hope there is some chocolate left!

Oh simple thing,
where have you gone,
I'm getting old and need something to rely on.
Keane

And now for something GOOD!

I am pleased to finally tell you the good news you (and I) have been waiting for! No more waiting and wondering! I shall tell you now. . . .

After much backing and forthing trying my patience greatly at the whim of a mad man I now have sole custody of my darling teenage boys!!! The news (and support) came through yesterday. I have been working on this for four years but in a "take no prisoners" manner since last June. There was no way they were ever going back as long as I had breath in my body! I would have even come back as a pissed of bitch of a ghost!

They have both had a hard time adjusting and feeling any stability since coming to live with me. They changed neighborhoods and lifestyles and the parenting is a lot different. They have had to deal with what happened with their dad and the many other changes as I tried to get them in a good location. Both looked forward to starting over in new schools with a clean slate.

Sadly for Nick that was not possible. His father had used his connections and a lot of bullying last year to get Nick mis-diagnosed ADHD and was going for Bi-polar. The IEP followed Nick and after breaking his wrist they took him out of PE and put him in the classes that he didn't need and make him feel and act stupid. He doesn't need special ed classes and has gone into an instant plummet on his self esteem! Since trying to sign up and start at his new school the kid has been lost in a bitchy paper trail, had his back pack stolen out of his locked locker, (and not re-imbursted for anything) broke his wrist, put in "the stupid classes" and when he stays for FLEX (the afterschool program that allows you to go to the teachers and get help with schoolwork) he is rewarded on a daily basis by being harrasted by bullies. They throw rotten food at him, spit on him and have even ripped his t-shirt in a physical altercation. The school only managed to piss the bullies off so Nick feels he is in for a lot worse. No wonder the kid doesn't want to go to school!

The school wasn't a good fit for Wil either. He was used to a higher intelligence level and maturity from his fellow students. It was like going to school with sixth graders. He got the flu the first full week and had debilating headaches after that. After missing more school than going it was decided that he would not be able to catch up and should withdraw this term. I just didn't see how next term would be any different there. We looked into alternative schools and programs that would be a good fit for him. We found what we all feel is a good program for Wil AND he is excited about. It's called Gateway to College. You earn your High School diploma and college credits at the same time. It has great support for the kids and guidance through to graduation. He can pick his own path and be in classes that are challenging. Wil has been bored a lot in school since it's not difficult. He was never disruptive or skipped school but just took it.

I suppose it's a good thing I don't have a job right now so I can get it all straightened out. I was so stressed trying to do a job I wasn't prepared for I was overwhelmed. I am not an accountant! I'm back where I started four years ago. What can I do right now to support myself that I have the skills for? I dont have the answers but I will keep trying to find them. I have been through a lot worse but each time the smoke clears I am still standing.

To catch up would be nice

It seems my lunch time is not long enough for a whole story update. The problem with a cliff hanger is I never get to the next part! Usually what happens is I get too busy but something new happens I want to post about. I have been asked to finish some stories and tell the "what happened after . . . " I cant promise but if things get calm I will go back and finish stories.

I would like to tell you Wil is fine as is Nick. There is a long story (s) there but. . . another time.

Work is better and I seem to be catching up/on. I just need to be comfortable in my own skin there. It will come with time.

As for D.B., I adore him endlessly and miss him terribly when we are apart. There in lies the problem for me. I would like a more full time (same city) boyfriend but that is not what will happen with D.B.. We live where we do because of our kids. That isn't the only reason but that is the main one. Sometimes I get angry at the situation but not the man. I just cant have it all, for now.

Today started out good for these reasons. I made it to my train on time, got to hang my bike, got a seat near my bike and enjoyed listening to Prince while knitting. I even got lost listening to Prince remembering the awesome concert I went to last January with D.B. It was nice.

Post note 8 something pm

As I was tying my cycle shoes I was asked if I had a moment by my boss. Not really as I had not two but three teenage boys waiting for me. It turns out I was not wanted anymore at T.E. My first thought was of my boys depending on me and my lease. I can deal with shit and homelessness (look at a year ago) but kids don't deserve that. Fuck me. They cant go back to their dad! He fucked them up royally. Fuck me but not kids! Guess the shock is wearing off and I'm getting good and mad.

As I gathered what would fit in my backpack I couldn't fit it all. After the fact I have lots of yogurt and cheese sticks in the T.E. fridge my kids would love but I'm out that. As I peddled away I was about three blocks when I realized I had a T.E. headlight that was borrowed as long as you worked there and was turning around to return it. I looked down and they had already stripped it from my bike - my personal space. I felt really sad and violated at the same time. That made me realize they didn't know me at all. I don't want ill gotten gains and I would never keep what didn't belong to me! As I have found things that belonged to my ex's or anyone I have gone out of my way to return things. I have so much more to say but will leave it be for now.

Both boys are hurting right now and didn't need another (big) worry. Nick most likely needs surgery and Wil (and probably Nick) need to change schools.

I'm upset, angry, sad and overwhelmed but Still Standing.

Here I am here I am here I am,
I'm back at the cross roads again,
Let me stand let me stand let me stand,
on the mountian again
The Explosion