I'm going to make it!

I can finally say I am feeling better! Not 100 percent yet but I can see I will make it. This cold was a brutal beast that just kept coming! Today was the first day since Dec 7th that I did not take cold medicine. I really need to get back to biking or walking or something. I'm not sleeping as well at night since I'm not doing as much to expel energy. It makes me feel better in the head anyway. Maybe I should finish recovering first.



Ethyl MeRM had to get some repairs. She needed a new fuel pump, relay and filter to the tune of $466. I did not want to break down coming home at night from work so I had to borrow from my parents. Tax time will be repay the nice Geezers time this year. Probably catch up on bills time too. Glad I set it up to get a return every year. It seems to save me every time. That and I have an awesome tax guy.



No big New Years plans except for work this year. Not a paid holiday but earning a pay check is nice too. I hope to get home for my own adult beverage before all the drunk drivers hit the road. :) New years used to be group game night when the kids were younger. Good times.

I wish you all a wonderful year in 2010 and any bad times gone and forgotten. I have to come up with a new year for my world again!

Christmas tells the truth

I watched the movie Love Actually recently. I had never seen it before even though it is a movie from 2003. It was a very cute movie. In the middle of it I thought I would get very sad since I am not in a relationship or even see the hope of one but was not the case. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I recommend it to all to watch this holiday season. Let me know if you liked it.

One thing from the movie I liked was the theme throughout the movie. Christmas time is the time to tell the truth. I liked the idea a lot and it got me thinking. I always tell you how I'm feeling but I don't always have the time to elaborate on it. I will take the time now in the spirit of the movie.

Things did not really go the way I had planned for them to go this year. I was so optimistic and full of goals at the beginning of the year. I was going to conquer the world Diva style. I did not reach most of the goals I had for myself this year which is disappointing but I am proud of my forward fighting motion. Given the economy I'm really proud that I am still standing! So, I am still not permanently employed but (as usual) working on that. It is a little scary that I wont have the second job to save my bacon but I'm ever optimistic. Not sure how I'm going to pull this out of the new year's still down economy but I gotta keep going, right?

As for the dating. Hang on to your hats cause here comes a big roar of honesty. (I am a Leo) This has been a frustrating journey this year. The people I seem to be attracted to are already in a relationship, don't want to just date but want to be in love NOW or I got matched up on e-Harmony and cant figure out why. Let me just say I really hate e-Harmony. I know hate is a strong word but if the shoe fits. I find it a waste of (my Dad's) money. All of you out there that insisted I go with e-Harm vs Match.com I wont listen to you again on this point. Match may be a dating vs relationship site but I probably would have gone out on more than 2 dates. e-Harm seems to attract the desperate I want to be married now guys. I get the feeling that they don't want to try to get to know you but think once you are matched you just hook up and done. I was "matched" with several but most really did not spark my attention. Honestly I could not see why I was matched with most of them. (a member of a Harley gang that "typically spends his free time" on Harley rides, three wheeling and camping. Oh, he looked like a member of Zz Top) I really want to meet some folks that have a low drama meter and get to know them. It sounds simple enough but it has not worked out that way at all. I miss a lot about dating. The touching, silly text messages, getting dressed up to meet someone, talking for hours about everything and nothing, feeling my heart flutter when I see them coming down the street, the dreamy feeling of a first kiss with someone you are attracted to and so much more. I'm not sure why it has been so hard for me to meet someone but it is disappointing. I would love to get past the first date and feel the excitement of a second date.

So, that was my Christmas honesty. Maybe if I'm lucky the Christmas Fairy will grant my wish. Merry Christmas to all.

Happy Holiday to all and to all a good night!

This is a photo of my Henry (the best doggy ever) and Billy bird. Henry was terrified of Billy and Billy knew it. Henry was a good sport to let us take this pic on Christmas eve. I sure miss her. Merry Christmas!

Watch what you wish for

I have been working two jobs since October. I have had a day off here and there but not weekly. I was okay with that but occasionally I would day dream of a lazy day off. I would eat something besides sandwiches, watch movies I am behind on and take a nap whenever I want. I did not expect to get sicker and miss two more days of hospital to do it! I was thinking of a normal day off after the first of the year. Be careful what you wish for.

This was not the best time of the year to get so sick but I guess it makes sense. I have been under a lot of financial stress but there are other factors. Wil drives me insane in his lack of responsibility in our home. We have gone round and round without resolve. I'm close to being done with having Wil live here. I have had to deal with my ex-husband a lot the last couple of months dealing with both boys. Hard for me but needed to be done for the boys. The good news is Nick got into the school he wanted and leaves early January. The random periods and constant related cramps wears on the body. Add all that together and it's no wonder I have gotten so sick. Now that I know it the question is what do I do now? Well, I have been sleeping and trying to get well the last couple days. I have to go to work tomorrow. I'm not even remotely ready for Christmas but I cant fix that. I cant expel the energy and certainly not the funds. I hope everyone understands. It is not my spirit that failed me my but my body. I hope all has a great holiday season.

Duh, now it makes sense

Men who don't like TMI stop reading now. My negative mood makes more sense now. My period started early again. While I am excited at the "end" of my baby making days it does reek havoc on the body and mind to get there. Hormones are too powerful. Since I have been and still am sick there has been no bike riding. I really miss my "Zen" moments.

Still no tree up in the apartment but hope to get that started by Saturday. Today after work I have to grab Wil and head to Costco for my glasses, food shopping and hopefully small Christmas shopping.

Happy Joy

102 days and counting . . . .

I am still sick and so it seems like it has been forever. I felt I was on my way to getting better yesterday but by the end of my day I had a sore throat. I woke up today with the same scratchy sore throat and back to feeling crappy. I cant miss anymore work! I hate being sick especially this time of year! I missed too many days, my house is a mess, I need to do my laundry, I have not decorated for Christmas and I'm a whiny mess feeling sorry for myself. I suck.

I'm am really worried about what life will be like once the seasonal job goes away. It has not been as busy as they thought so I may not even work after the New Year. Even though I was sick and got up late today (having worked both jobs yesterday) I looked for jobs to apply for. There were a few I applied for but I'm not holding my breath. I may have to do something drastic like get a retail pharmacy position. For those that don't know that is the lowest of the low. That is why I was so pleased and proud of myself for nailing a hospital job fresh out of school. It saddens me to do the retail but it is better than being homeless. I can revisit hospital positions later when the economy is better. I can still stay on-call but work way less at the hospital. It was my intention to look all along but with two jobs and double backs I had my hands full. Time is ticking.

I am trying to turn my mood around. I'm at work this evening and back at the call center tomorrow morning but then I'm going to try to get the place cleaned up and decorated in the next few days. I did vaccum a couple of days ago and some dusting because all I could smell was dust. It was pretty bad. I need to take control of my world instead of "it" kicking my ass.

Back to work

I have not been that sick in many years! I had a horrible cold that knocked my flat on my back and kept me there for 5 days. I'm upright and back at work but not 100 percent yet. I really think one more day at home would have been nice but I can't afford to miss anymore work! It hurts to miss 5 days esp when four of them were hospital. I only missed one day with my DVT and that HURT! I've even gone to work with migraines. The good news for me is that others got sick after me so I am able to pick up some of those days.

I have yet to start my holiday decorating or shopping. The decorating was to happen this last week and the shopping after I got paid today. I will start decorating next week. Merry Holiday to us all!

POST NOTE I am finally truly back to work on Tuesday. I went to work Sat. night and Sunday but was miserable and my head was still swimming and snot-full. I had to call out Monday at Hanna. Today I have to work both jobs so tomorrow morning might regret the whole day of work I do today. Merry freaking Holiday!