Scooby Doo please leave!

I must be living in confused land today. I even took a nap but came right back to confused. My confusion began first thing in the morning. The huge house across the street from me has had a team of painters coming and going this summer. They started with a lot of prep and repairs. The home owner had them paint several colors on a huge piece of plywood that was propped up against the house. They also painted big samples on random spots of the house. Some colors were just horrible! I was excited to what they would pick. Earlier this week "the team" rented a high lifter and finished scraping and taping for paint. They started with a slightly more blue gray than what is has been on the house. They sprayed the whole thing! I was disappointed but hoped for a great two-toned trim combo. Yesterday I came home to a not very attractive bold brown trim going up. I felt so let down! I went out and about with a new gal in town (don't get excited for me. she is straight and living with a guy-one of Wil's best friends) We came by around 5ish and the local paint store van was in front of the place delivering more paint. Next time I come around it's almost midnight so I'm not paying attention.

This morning I wake up to the high lift beeping around. I don't look out right away because I am making my coffee and generally waking up. When I do I am shocked to see the front of the house is brick red! They sprayed the front and slopped over on the trim of the windows so they are some of the gray-blue and some brick red. I turn away in confusion. I peek out through out the day wondering what else has happened. A couple hours later I look out and the brick color is now the whole place! They left the little bit of brown trim on they had done. Next time I look out is just f'ed up. BTW The house has lap siding with shingles on the dormers. One guy is on the ground while the other guy is near the top of the house on the high lifter. Ground guy is spraying more of the brick color on the house side to side while the high guy used a roller up and down? Roller on the outside of the house . . . . going opposite the siding . . . using a roller . . . . change the color . . . . . . What the fuck?

I went on the dating site today as you probably know from my earlier post. I looked at the profiles of some who had viewed me, the ones who had e-mailed me and the ones who had tried to IM me. Just so you know I hate the imposition of the IM on the dating site. It reminds me of guys using cheesy lines at the bar. Anyway, I responding to an IM that I did not see when I was on and off the computer Tuesday night. I was being opened minded (nothing ventured not gained) so I wrote back. The message I got back made me roll my eyes. I'm sure it was sincere but it was annoying and cheesy. He said "Well I am truly blessed today.. You have reponded back to me. I would like to take a moment of silence..................................................................................................
.............................................First off I am not one of those player type of men who surf the dating sites looking for a booty call . . " It went on but the biggest irritation to me was I wrote back and told him I was not religious (important to him) , thanks and good luck. He wrote back saying he hoped to hear back from me? Dude! I just gave you the goodbye e-mail! Is it me or is the world spinning through confused town?

The other annoying thing about the guys that respond to my profile is how they instantly share personal info. I don't want to e-mail you with my personal e-mail or call you giving you my phone number. So far 4-5 guys has given me phone number and/or e-mail. I don't know anything about you and more importantly I don't want you to have mine. Later if we meet and I see you are not a serial killer or angry freak I will share. As a woman I am trying to be safe/smart to protect myself.

Puzzled

I am looking through the dating site profiles with an open mind but at times it is tough! I don't think it's appropriate (or necessary) to tell me how well endowed you think you are 2 sentences into your profile. That is a fact I should find out on my own and at a much later time. Attraction is important but to say only fit attractive people need apply is closed minded. What I think is attractive is not necessarily another persons cup of tea so you are blowing it from the get-go. What is up with a marital status "not single\not looking" - WTF?

It is weird online shopping but it isn't for a purse or necklace but a person you want to get to know. Weird concept. *shakes head in confusion*

I know it's not Sunday . . . .

I know it's not Sunday but I got a busy Sunday that includes a 2 year old boys birthday party, a bike ride, hopefully some housework and work. Yes, with my boss out of town for 5 days the fill-in Pharmacist has us working Sunday early evening for 4 hours and a short Monday or possibly a a two part day.

The online dating is painful but I am trying (so hard) to keep an open mind and a glass-half-full attitude.

Thinking hurts

I have been thinking about things a lot lately. Trying to understand things in my life I feel are not the way I want them to be to help me move forward. I have looked in some dark places and felt that pain again. I have had some thoughts suddenly pop into my head and said "duh!" All in all the deep thinking is exhausting and painful. I hope I am not just beating myself up but learning by my mistakes and choices. I will get back to that thought train in a later post when I can write in a way that makes sense not Marta speak.

As for dating. Hot dude from work turned out to be a game playing dick. Honestly I would have slept with him cause I wanted to but it never worked out. I'm okay with it except I really wanted sex!

Last weekend I had a stomach bug that kept me down through Monday. I really could not do much but sleep, sit or lay watching TV. A commercial came on for a new free dating site. Yup, I was bored enough I signed up. So far it seems that every strange geek, Grizzly Adams, ZZ Top wanna-be is on this site. I don't see myself on the back of a hog doing road tours with the Hells Angels hanging onto a guy that has more hair than me. That seems to be who they think is my perfect match. I am trying to be open minded but come on! The other frustration I have faced repeatedly is the majority of the dating sites make me choose a sex to date or worse don't let me choose. They just assume that everybody is hetro. The lesbian community tells me to get off the fence too. Most lesbians will walk away if I say I am bi. I ask why do I have to choose a side if I like everything? I am attracted to the person and don't see them as a man or woman.

I was an open book with the world until I got into pharmacy. Most folks in pharmacy are conservative, left brained thinking republicans. I learned early on that while they might not be homophobs they don't understand it and think it is disgusting so I have kept my sexuality quiet. It has been weird to not quite be who I am with people. I went through a lot to learn who I am and to not be true to myself is confusing.

Currently I enjoy my new pharmacy team of gals. They naturally assume I am straight like them. I feel like I have a cover over part of me and it feels strange. I don't see what coming out of the closet would accomplish. It would change they way they see/feel about me. That is a sad train of thought. Why does it have to be this way? I try not to judge people. Does it make people feel superior if they judge and put you down?

I'm going on a bike ride now to clear my head and enjoy the cooler more normal summer Sunday. Prepare yourself for more mental vomit that includes insight on Big Man/Bobby, DB and self portrait discovery. Neat.

"I follow the heart, not the anatomy."
Alice "The L Word"