Crash into reality

Things have been sailing right along with my new plan! Yesterday (on my day off) I was tired! I had plans to borrow my mom's vacuum and clean the apartment then get creative! Hadley was not able to have me to the studio which is fine. Gives me something to look forward to later.What ended up happening is me as a couch potato after I have vacuumed and dusted the whole place. Kel mopped the kitchen floor while I was still doing the v & d then I mopped the bath and front entry. Yeah, I worked hard doing all that cleaning but by 3pm I was toast? Then the cravings hit - and hard! I wanted chocolate, salty stuff, wine, ice cold beer, ice cream,  cinnamon rolls, hot tamales (the cinnamon candy) NOW! I really felt my skin crawl with the cravings! I did not cave but it was a tough evening. Must be how a user feels without a fix!

 

Since I was a couch potato I did not bike but the vacuuming and dusting was a non-stop aerobic sport. I was bummed I had no energy or motivation to work on my projects. I did eventually take Abby for a brisk walk before "we" put on pj's and sat for the rest of the night. Unfortunately I ended up sick the next day! I thought it was a migraine but it turned out to be a bug but I did not know that until two days later.  My period started on the morning of day three. That was it for me. I had to call in and lay on the couch with Abby. 

Creative nerd alert!

here is in-box, card and paper

Well, I am excited to tell you that the local artist I heart and sparked my first Mod Podge project has invited me to her studio! I found a card she made at Crafty Wonderland (Downtown at the Street Car stop just across from the Library) a week or more ago. I loved all her work on display but got a card that I love just to have. After I had the card I picked up and interesting shaped but ugly "in box" at the "Swap Shop" at work. I think I have mentioned this little rack before. You can leave or take anything left at the "SS" for work OR home. That is when it started clicking in my creative! I wanted to use the card and maybe a second along with some interesting handmade paper to cover the ugly in box for my desk at home! Last week (Wed June 20th) when I went to Ace, Blick, Powells and Paper Source that was what I was up to! I found her online store and blog on the internet. I want to buy in all but we all know that can't happen. I was looking for another card to complement the one I have and the paper I bought. I messaged her and asked if this one and that would go together and I love this and how much is that sale one. . . .. I told Hadley what I was doing and strictly for home use - not resale. So I got an email asking if I wanted to come to her studio. I hope it works to go tomorrow on my only day off this week. She has not replied back yet. I am very excited to meet her and see all of her pieces!

I have taken extra days and extra hours to days I have shifts for the next week or more. I have a three day weekend right after 4th of July. The Gem Faire and Bead show is Friday the 6th. The 7th and 8th are my weekend off so I get a mini vacation! I am planning to go over to my parents on Saturday and maybe Sunday to work on projects. There is a community room at the apartment where I could spread out to work but I would have to guard my projects! Much easier to work at my parents in the back yard and take Abby.  

It has been two weeks to the day since my inner Diva gave me the mental Cher movie slap. It was a good thing and about bloody time! I have been feeling the positive and working the positive! I am eating right and not feeling the cravings. I cut out sugar, chocolate, wine and fatty/ salty foods. I eat sensibly but not on a diet. Just back to the usual Diva. I am feeling so good about things! I bike at least every other day and take Abby to dog park or long walk the other. I am pleased with myself and how well it is working out!

The new plan for a new Me

So I said I would explain the get-the-Diva-back-on-track plan. In a nut shell I gave myself a mental Cher movie slap and snapped out of it! I have gone back to writing in a journal using it as an honest, safe positive place to be my own cheer leader, work out the obstacles and see my progress when I feel like I am not making any. I have to be completely honest in my thoughts to myself so I can generate the positive! I let a toxic work environment, working way too much, too many bills due to another adult in the house, perimenopause and a wet spring get me down. I stopped trying to be my creative self and felt bad for myself, about myself and the state of things. There will be no more of that!

I have had some great bike rides of late that have let my mind wonder but come up with some interesting thoughts. I usually have my iPod in one ear and the sounds of the city in the other. The overlay of the two along with the ride itself takes my mind to a place of great insight. I think the other thing bugging me is my upcoming big f'ing birthday. The milestone in age is not what is bugging me but rather the plans/goals  I set for myself to achieve before that birthday. I was going to be settled in a permanent job in my current career, a home owner, taking art/craft classes with money in the bank and hopefully someone to share it with. It has been 10 years since my divorce and and 8 since I survived the life altering deception of my ex-fiancee. I came out of both of those relationships a better, stronger, positive determined woman. I guess I stalled out and got mired in the everyday. I have to build toward the future or I will never be able to retire! Right now I got nothing. I am the one taking care of me so I better get to it!

Plan
No procrastination allowed
Save money
Find a permanent job to bridge over
Get busy with real estate!
Get social
Make the Me time I need
BIKE!

I need to listen to the inner Me and be kind, creative and proactive. No more coach potato unless it's at the end of a long productive day!

The Future is my friend and the plans that I wear

Last night I kept with my new plan for life. I got off work at 7:30 and bee  lined for home. I was out the apartment door and on my bike by 8:25 which
is pretty fast given all I had to do to get there! I fed Abby and took her on a spin around the block since she had been in the kennel crate for a few hours. The "kids" went to game night. I used the walk around the block as my warm up before stretching for my ride. I stretch on the ground so Abby takes this opportunity to grab her rope toy and engage in a game of tug and
fetch. This usually works out well but she has a tendency to get too engaged. Let's just say my legs have suffered the wrath of Abby's dancing feet. If I ever end up injured at an ER they are going to think I am an abuse victim. (Wil would pop in and say Elder Abuse)


My ride was AWESOME! I rode with such focused ferociousness I was startled when I realized it. I rode my bike in a way I had not before. I used my whole body to manipulate my bike much like the whole body for skating or like a BMX rider would. An example would be wanting to shift past some people in a close setting before oncoming traffic (on the Esplanade) I moved (like skating) with my shoulders first then my arms down to my hands followed down to the bike. I also used my inner thighs on the bike seat to shift as a whole unit. BBB and I were like one! Once I was not as focused and realized the way and speed in which I
was attacking my route I was enjoying it immensely! It was not an outer body experience but more like an amusement park ride a la Diva! To say the ride was just what I needed after a few hard days at work but it was more than that. It was one of the best rides I have had in awhile. Kinda reminded me of the energy and ferocity I would make love. Fair to say with all the
hormone surges I have some pent up sexual tension. It was probably good that it was BBB and not a person. I might have broken them.This all happened on the Saturday night of Pride Weekend. I was not able to get my Pride on as it was my weekend to work. I kinda forgot in my hustling around. I noticed a higher than usual number of people on bikes in dressed upor in costumes but did not think much of it. Come on, Downtown Portland in the Summer on a Saturday night?! It wasn't until I was back to OMSI that I put two and two together. I was busy with the cool riding experience. By the time I got to the Hawthorne bridge did I encounter a lot of people riding opposite me - clothing optional. Why is italways the creepy dude that has to start early? Sadly that image has stayed with me.