Marta's World rocked but not fucked completely

Did I get your attention with the title? Well, I have been dealing with a lot at work with my boss and not being able to please her. It has come down to getting fired. I was shocked but my co-workers were floored! The reason given is bull shit but I know it was her needs over my making a living. HR told me as I was escorted out the back door that she wanted me to file for unemployment - she would make sure it was paid. Why would you do that if performance was bad? Anyway, that takes 4-6 weeks to receive unemployment after they investigate. Great . . .

In hind sight things started getting weird at my birthday party. I don't think she expected me to have friends that did not work with me. She wants to be the funnest, weirdest, most popular gal around. I was never in a competition but I guess in her mind I was. Even around the hospital on my regular work day if I was not out and about people would ask after me. Can I help it if I am wonderful? Why do I find the crazies? *shakes head*

Even with this significant set back I am still me and know that a cosmic butt kicking will happen - I may not see it but I feel better knowing. The major worry is getting the bills paid so I can continue living in my apartment and B) getting a new job in this economy. I wish I had a dog to make me feel better.

One step closer

Well, It went well at the Docs office this morning. She totally agreed with me about pet therapy vs drug therapy. It works for Senior Citizens, right? As I was telling her my reason for the visit and some of my peri-menopause symptoms that seem out of control I truly recalled all my mental weight and how hard I have worked to stay positive and keep moving positively forward. I told her I have been through a lot in the last 11 years but I am proud of what I have survived, worked through and accomplished! She agreed and told me I am a strong single woman with a lot of responsibility going through menopause and it is demanding. Why does it take a near stranger to tell us what we already know about ourselves? She took some blood to check on my thyroid (again) and hormone levels. She wants to see where we are and what we might need to do for me to seek some emotional relief. That seems to be my menopause hell. Instead of hot flashes I almost weep on a dime which is beyond frustrating! I have never been an emotional nightmare but now I cant watch a Hallmark commercial without tearing up or worse - Jesus Fuck!

Ken is on board to help me find my new dog. He is watching OHS and said if I wanted a second opinion on a dog outside of OHS he would go with me. He really does a lot behind the scenes with the dogs at OHS so I figure he was a good guy to have in my corner. I am excited to start seeing what is out there. I don't want to rush into anything since I want to get this right but knowing my new companion is out there waiting for me is very uplifting. I am excited to meet my new best friend.

It is about Me (in my head)

I have been mulling some thoughts and wants around in my head for sometime now. I have put some things important-to-me on hold while I still have Wil living with me. I thought it would be short term when we moved here 5ish years ago! I thought the boys would get through high school and move on. It looks like it will still be a few more years for Wil. I told Wil he could live with me until he finishes school. I want to be a supportive parent and give the push he needs to start his grown up life so here I stay for now.

One thing I need is living in a more suitable place for me. I want one that has actual outdoor space with garden , a work area that has space to store tools and projects in progress. I need to be able to start a project and not have to finish and clean up in a short amount of time like when I work at my parents garage/yard. The type of projects I like to do require dry time and several days of adding layers or what have you. I have tried to work on things at my parents or in the parking lot of my building, Nells (before they opened) or Comedy Sportz (before the Oregon Jewish Museum opened) but it isn't enough! I have soooo many projects busting out of my head and not enough time to work on them the way I need to. Some have been bashing to get out and done for a bit. It is beyond frustrating to my creative side.

The other important thing I have put on hold since moving here is being a dog owner again. This is the longest period in my life that I have not had a dog in my life. I have had some great close relationships with my dogs through the years. They were always there for me and "on my side" but more importantly my companion. Henry was a golden retriever stray I had for many years. She was a great companion that was so in tune with me. She got me through tough times and brought me great joy on a daily basis. I still miss her and that was over 20 years ago! Right now in my life I need that special bond. I have a lot going on in my life that is scary and hard. As always, I have tried in my own "Marta way" to keep moving in a positive way but need a little help. I have elderly parents (don't tell them that) I am starting to worry about, two sons that need to grow up some more, work is wonky and dating is not working. The creative is still moving forward but stifled. I really want and need a dog that is my steady friend. My building is a no pets - "unless you have a special note from your doc zone". I'm not wanting to break any rules but honestly feel that at this point in my life I really do need this for me to help me help myself cope. I feel like I am turning into a little old lady weighed down by the mental weight I am carrying about. This can really take a lot out of you physically! I come home in the winter and chill at home all lazy like. I need a purpose and meaning to get out of this funk I'm settling in. Cycling therapy has always helped but it has been too chilly/wet this winter to "work it" soooo . . . I have my projects but the frustration of lack of space and cold temperature has put a hold on a lot. That adds to the mental weight I am feeling. I can only plan and make ready with so much on my projects until the weather turns. Basically instead of therapy and zombie drugs to (not) cope with "life's up's and downs" I want pet therapy instead. The peri-menopause is really clamping down hard on me too as well as my feet pain acting up. I'm not feeling sorry for myself but the opposite - I'm trying to pick myself back up! I am still standing but want a four legged friend by my side to find my spunk fire again. Doesn't everyone want a side kick? I am going to my doc on Monday to discuss this with her and see if she agrees with my thought train. I feel hopeful having written my thoughts down, made the doc appointment and even started looking online at adoption sites. I even gave Ken the heads up so he can give me the inside track at the Humane Society. I know the whole process will take some time if it moves forward but feeling proactive in the process is very uplifting.

It's raining projects - hallelujah!

I feel like I am on a creative roll myself. I have a bulletin board project, purses I want to sew, not one but two chandeliers to re-create, re-vamping my garden, maybe sewing new curtains for the living room and putting the existing ones in Wil's room, staining projects, re-organizing my kitchen and other sewing projects from my 99 cent sewing patterns - hallelujah.

I am really lucky in my re-purposing projects since I always have at least one more idea stewing in my brain. Right now I have lots going at once! I am not sure where to go first?!? I wanted an adjustable wooden hanger to hold purses on my wall next to my vanity in my bedroom. I found a cool one at Ace that is made out of bamboo but shiny and expensive. I wanted the piece to be more the color of my bedroom furniture and causal looking. I want the cool art of the purses to be the eye catcher. Ends up I am staining it myself after I found one at Goodwill for 1.99 (unfinished) as well as the cork board of my bulletin board. (gel stain) The bulletin board frame (an art picture frame) is going to be painted in a silver patina to match the silver photograph frames on my vanity and the bigger of the two chandeliers will be the same silver for my bedroom. I have it almost like a shadow box. I am going to put trinkets and artwork from the boys in grade school. I am thrilled to have so many ideas in my head and the fact that I can see the finished project in my minds eye but I feel pulled in different directions. I am stuck on most projects since I cant spray paint until the weather warms (doing the opposite this week here - it is February) and have to invade my parents garage to work on a project. I can do the prep work there but doing it in the cold is not a big draw for me plus not much work space. I so wish I had a work area where I live! The time and productivity would be mind blowing! Are the gods of creativity listening? Save me from myself in my high rise apartment dwelling!

I will say with all the changes to my place the last several months I really like coming home it is so comfy and me. It is my creative all around me and like a hug. The best part is that it is not the space but the decorating that makes it "mine". The space I am in is not ideal but I have made the best of it while I am here.

OMFG! t has outdone herself!

I was floored when I got to t's today. I was expected the one "Cluster" piece but I was surprised with two necklaces, two earrings and a bracelet! She made such beautiful pieces from the two vintage amber necklaces and the black onyx. The insane thing is with all she has made for me already she still has more pieces of amber to work with to make more! I gave her some uncultured fresh water pearl pieces that are vintage as well (I wore them when I was first married) and we talked about the using the last of the butterscotch amber with the pearls as well as re-making a bridal necklace I like of hers. I'm not planning to get married but love the piece. It would be a nice dress up piece that is more interesting than what I had and did not wear. I love the direction her jewelry making has been going since her 365 project started. She is on such a roll! Please support an artist and buy some of her beautiful pieces. In case you did not get the memo she does custom work. She really listens to what you want and deliverers! (and then some!) That is the understatement of the year.




I am so very lucky to find the talent and work with it. Thank you so much t for the beauty you have added to my life.

t has done it again!

t has done it again! I love this piece she made for me using some of the amber my mom gave me. Here are her words describing this piece.

"My friend Marta gave me a couple strands of beautiful Amber to create some custom pieces for her. This is the second necklace - a cluster necklace of flat Amber coins accented with freshwater pearls, Swarovski glass pearls and glass and quartz beads in lovely pinks, oranges and coppers. One of the most amazing features of Amber is how lightweight it is ... this necklace feels just dreamy on.!"

I cannot wait to see it, touch it and try it on! I cant believe this belongs to me! t has really listened to me and my wants in taking on the challenge of re-purposing my old jewelry pieces turning them into art!

Good creative flow Friday!

I think my Auntie She She is my good luck in the junking. I have had more good finds on the trips with her along. She gets a sense of what I am looking for an keeps an eye out but I think its more than that. She has good ju-ju around her and it surrounds me too. I had such awesome luck on our junking trip on Friday!

I have had a project brewing in my brain for some time. I want a girly chandelier to hang in my bedroom but the catch is I have to re-wire it to be a plug in not hard wired. I do not even have an over head fixture in my bedroom. I don't want to spend too much money on something like this but I want to learn about re-wiring and the bling of chandeliers. I really want it for the pretty impact - another way to make a rental more mine.

On impulse I veered in to ReStore (supports Habitat for Humanity) on our way to favorite junk shops and hit the first of many jackpot finds of the day. I fell for a 70's glass three tiered brass wonder. I am going to do some great blingy stuff to it and spray it and make it into two separate chandeliers. One will be copper for the main room. Stay tuned . . . . I also go three more interesting glass bricks I needed for some projects. Auntie She She really enjoyed poking around and was very enthusiastic about my project. She loved the things for projects you can buy there and wished there was one near her.

Next we hit another fun junk place called Really Good Stuff. It is chocked full of everything and dusty and smelly as all get out. I love going there. Auntie Sheesh loves that place too. We both found little things there but mainly had a fun time browsing around. Our next stop was a new boutique Goodwill on Hawthorne then lunch at another good find - the Waffle Window. If you live in the Portland area please check it out! It was sooo tasty! We want to go back soon. Our last stop before heading home was a junk heaven on Hawthorne and mid-thirty block. We really made a day of it. My creative energy is leaking out of my pores!

My fun day out ended with my son taking me out to dinner at Ling Garden. The family that owns it is so pleased Wil works next door to them so they can see him more often. They were happy to see us both in the restaurant and fussed over us but the best part was when Wil payed for our meal. They thought that was nice for Wil to take his mama out.

Gettin paid to dig through junk

Using a day of PTO today. My mom is home from the rehab and doing very well. My Auntie has been the happy house helper taking care of my dad while mom was gone for 3 weeks! She got to come home a day shy of 3 weeks post-op. My Auntie loves to go junking so that is what we will do. Note to self to take allergy meds . . . . .

Do as I say

I have been trying to do the same as I ask of Wil - no procrastinating. When I have a project or task I try follow through to the finish. I usually do but with the swinging hormones and all that brings and work schedule . . . . I will say the lack of room to do some projects here has slowed or stopped some of my projects. Winter puts a stop to spray painting and stripping too. By the time I gather, get to my parents, chat, set up with some stop time looking for what I need to get going a lot of time I had to work is gone. I need a outside area or work space where I can grab and go. Even sewing here is an adventure. I had to borrow a card table to use as my cutting table. I have a folding cardboard that is cutting board (has measurements and lines so you cut evenly) that goes over the surface so works okay. It would be better to use the long tables of the community room but that is not an option. The kids of the building would not follow the rules of the room and so the room is locked. The only time you can use it is during office hours - Monday through Friday 10-4. Not really helpful for me. I have gotten very inventive on work space but that means I have to factor in clean-up- put-away-time if I am working at home.

All in all I have been feeling good about little things I have gotten done the last couple weeks. Some small frames I had art to put into them - done. The privacy curtain for my bedroom doorway - rod bought, curtain sewed and hung - done. Re-arranging vanity top and cleaning jewels from high school - done! Hanging some junk store finds - buying the plate holder and attaching to the find, hanging it up - done.

I am planning on laying out and possibly cutting out my first purse. It is fairly clear to me what I am doing but once you cut there is no going back. I talked through some concerns yesterday with my mom. (She is still in rehab but springing out any day) After we talked about it all I asked her if this was a good first project for me to do on my own. She did not hesitate in saying yes. She said to take my time and stop when I feel I am not sure about what I am about to do. I can refer back to pattern. She also said you can read the pattern for so long but once you start some of the steps will make sense. I am pleased with her confidence in me and hope I live up to it. I think I will start with a walk about to clear my head, hit my fav junk stores and let Wil clear out (going to work)