Nice to see the changes in me.

Yesterday while putting my bed together I let some information come to the surface. I looked at it and even stopped what I was doing for a moment and pondered. Then I gave myself a mental pat on the back and a big hug. I may not always do things in the "right way" or see the long run implications but I am trying and I am doing it for myself.

The first time I moved from the boys house to the rental house for a month and a half my parents helped me and I had four hours. It didn't go well.

The move from there to my first apartment on my own went well in my Travelall with Big Man helping. I didn't own much so it was easy. I lived there for a month or so as the Asst. Manager until (he) we lost the position.

Then we moved in together where we lived for a year and a half. We had gone garage sale shopping for me so I had some stuff but he had boxes and boxes that even he didn't know what was in them! We didn't have time to sort them before the move so we did it after. We should have just as well dropped them off at Goodwill to start. That's where most of it ended up anyway.

The move from Big Man was heart wrenching for me and traumatic for those around me. I did break down a couple of times but then got it together. I am so thankful to this day for the people that dropped everything with a day or less notice to help me vacate without a big row. Big Man did not want me to take some of my stuff. Most was not packed and we were scrambling to get it moved! He felt he "earned it" putting up with my ex-husband and nutty family. I disagreed. While it was a bold move for me to "stand up" to Big Man and leave I still had a long way to go in being self reliant.

I enjoyed my double studio in NW Portland. I feel I really got in touch with "me" and went through a lot of my past baggage with Bev in our sessions. She helped me to let go of Big Man and see what a great Woman was inside me waiting to get out and just be! She was always there but couldn't get past the gate keeper. I will always have fond memories of my time at The Baker Apartments. I fought hard to stay there but knew when I had to leave and re-group. I was proud of myself for making the decision to leave on my own. That was a physically tough move for me. I was still in a cast and I had to have my surgery five days before I had to be out. I did most of that move by myself.

It was a joyous occasion when I moved next door to Wil's school. I truly thought I would be there for two years until he graduated. It was not my first choice of an area to move to but really came to appreciate the area. The 205 bike path, a great skate park close, shops I use a lot very close and very close to Acrop! (I only go there for the steaks! ;) ) I got a fair bit prepped in moving in before the gang helped on moving day. I had moved and put my bed together and had the kitchen and bathrooms set up. I hired and drove the fourteen foot U-Haul truck myself.

In moving here there has been some happenstances I will post later but what has made me most proud of myself are a couple of things. While I want to do things right I have let go of the rigid standards I had to live with for so many years. I don't work myself into exhaustion. I have come to be a more self reliant, confident woman. I may not always "do it right" but I take ownership.

So as I was putting my bed together I remembered the move into The Baker apartments. I asked Bill to please be in charge of my bed. It needed to be taken apart to move and I asked him to please put it together at the new place. I didn't think I could do it. I knew I had directions but had no idea where they were. He did so without directions and while taking care of Justin. (That is impressive.) The next time I moved I had the directions and I took apart and built it myself. Nick took it apart the other day while I was at work. As I began sorting out some of Nick's bed that ended up with my frame (same style from IKEA) I started easily building mine by myself without the directions. In the midst of that task I realized how far I had come and was proud of Me.

Bill was at Comedy Sportz last night. I had just come back with a load from the old and knew that Wil (I thought) and Josh (for sure) were asleep (6:45 at night) having stayed up all night! Ken had stopped by before doing door at CSz to figure out why the surround sound didn't work on TV just DVD. I helped set up before the show before getting back to work. I started to tell Bill the bed story and he interrupted me and said. I have enjoyed watching you over the recent years become more self sufficient, no, self reliant. It has been nice to see. That was so nice to hear. Thanks Bill. That really meant a lot to me and just how I'm feeling.

Older men really are sexy

Happy Birthday Gene Simmons and Elvis Costello! Older men can be fun. ;)

Sassy is awesome!

I used to have a regular customer (at Starbucks) I called Sassy. she wasn't obvious in her behavior but there was just something about her. She was - well sassy. When I saw her enter my store I would yell "Sassy's in da house" or " here comes Sassy" or even "SASSY!!". (much like Jim Carey as the MASK saying "Smoking!") She loved it and yelled back at me (both of us in a New Jersery accent) at first it was customer identification but turned into much more.

I started to see Sassy as a beautiful, funny, clever, curvey, awesome woman. Yup, I had a crush on her. It was more than that but I can't come up with a better word. My pulse quickened when I saw her come in my store. I was so happy just to see her and talk to her. If it was a time she would usually come in I would look every time the door opened.

I invited her over to my place when her boyfriend was out of town one weekend. For wine and a movie I told her. That was all I expected. I just wanted to be near her and spend time outside of Starbucks . The wine flowed (not a lot) and we started talking. She told me about her insecurities about her boyfriend going to France for a year and her not being able to go too. Would he find a french girl and she would lose him. She didn't realize how special she was! He should have been worrying about her being alone here and all that would line up to be with her. He really didn't deserve her but she had not yet realized that. She was at a tough spot near the end of her time at college and trying to see herself in the real world. (she was 22 at the time.)

Let's just say the comfort turned into more. It was mutual consent and participation. She seemed fine the next time I saw her a couple days later. She even came over one evening a few nights later. We seemed to be very well matched. After that she disappeared. I didn't see her for many months. She wouldn't answer my voice mails. I only left a few and got the message. I ran into her and her boyfriend one day several months later. I felt like the wind got knocked out of me. She did finally call me after that to explain her actions. She was afraid of her feelings and all the implications.

Sassy broke my already fragile heart. All this happened at the end of my relationship with Big Man and my new freedom in the aftermath. Even now when I think I see her in a crowd I go weak at the knees. One never forgets a first. She was mine.

For better or worse

Alright, all those that have been avoiding me since the beg went out for moving help can stop now. I know I have abused some folks that always help and really wanted to spare all of this time so I made a grown up decision. I hired a local moving company for next Friday afternoon for a few (hopefully two) hours to move the furniture. I feel so much better having done this. They will arrive to Wil and Nick for direction at the old place and I will be waiting for them at the new location. It is a bit spendy but my friends backs and free time are worth it. I cant do this Saturday since they have a four hour minimum on the weekends.

I still need to finish loading and carting the boxes so if you really feel the need to help there you go.


In a moment of decision,
the best thing to do is the right thing to do.
The worst thing you can do is nothing.
-- Theodore Roosevelt

Amazing

It is truly amazing the difference a year makes. A year ago I was unemployed, in a cast, diagnosed with cancer (with no health insurance) and had to give up my apartment. I had no idea what was to become of me. I was actively seeking to better my situation but saw no light to work towards. In my favor was a place to move to (Thanks John) and a truly amazing guy who saw I was not a drama queen just in bad circumstance. Thanks for sticking around D.B.!

I took up hiking for the first time and went back to a passion - knitting. I further explored my comedy by joining the Eugene team and trying more long form. I even tried out for a few independent movies. I learned to rely on the strength I didn't know I had in me. I'm proud of all I have done in a year and the person I'm evolving (constantly) into. I really like me.

I also started writing about My World last August. Some have floated in and stayed enjoying my rainbow colored view while others have chosen to read in silence hoping I would completely fall on my face. Thankfully this hasn't happened. (and wont!) I have gone down on one knee and needed several counts before I could rise to my feet again but I'm Still Standing.

"Risk taking, trust and serendipity are the key ingredients of joy. Without risk, nothing new ever happens. Without trust, fear creeps in. Without serendipity, there are no surprises.

Rita Golden Gelman

Author of "Tales of a Female Nomad."

She has had no permanent adress since 1986

Where is a small brick wall when you need it?

The last two and half to three weeks have been a bit frustrating for me. Trying fill out paperwork and pack for a new apartment not knowing how soon I was moving. The manager is a bit (WTF?) scattered and does not answer my questions. Most of them were important fact finding questions that in the long run would have helped us to end this madness sooner. She just does not listen!!

She told me last night that if the approval didn't go through this morning I had to wait til she got back from vacation on August 29th. I just couldn't believe that she waited until 6pm the night before to tell me this! I was so frustrated that when D.B. called a few minutes later I was swearing (more than usual) like a sailor. (sorry you.)

I'm sure I had a bug the other day but today I was sure I was going to lose it for most of the day. I hope I'm not on the way to a bigger stomach issue. Anyway, After several phone calls during my work day and her telling me I owe her (for s l o w l y ) doing her job I'm finally approved for my apartment!

I get the keys on Monday (after the check clears?) from her son. I have to wait to hear from her tonight as we have to finish filling out the paperwork before she leaves town tomorrow morning. She has her grand children here and promised to take them shoe shopping before they all leave tomorrow. I'm going to go take a nap in my car then hang in NW to make it quick when she calls. Thanks Renee for keeping Nick another day and having Josh pick Wil up from his friends house keeping them both. I will sleep like the dead tonight.

So, moving weekend starts Friday the 26th with nightly activity all week before that for any that want to help. Anyone? Ah, for the love of Moo dont make me beg! Pretty Please? You do not want me to start crying now after the stressful time I have had!

On the MAX (part II to "A Very odd day" July 28th)

So once on the MAX I paused to think about what I should do. I never got back to Bike and Hike for a spare tube. (dammit!) After a few minutes of pondering I called Gayle. I didn't even know how to call into work! After some brain storming Gayle said she would call the bosses for me and have them meet me at the MAX. I didn't have a seat or a pen and paper so I couldn't write down the number. It wasn't until PGE Park that I had a seat. I talked to D.B. and laughed at my situation. Worse case in getting it fixed in my mind was I would need a ride back to MAX after work and get off at Beaverton Central. That's where the Performance Bike shop is I went to before. It's a short walk from the station.

At Sunset TC a strange woman got on the train. She was taller than me wearing a bike jersey and tight jeans. She was bigger than me but not fat. She didn't have anything with her except a cell phone. She dialed it and listened a long time occionally pressing a button much like someone listening to messages. She was sitting leaning sideways toward the aisle resting on her knees with her hair obscuring her face. I couldn't tell you what she looked like except shoulder length wavy faded red hair. When she was done she hung up and proceeded to pleasure herself with the help of her fingers and jean seam. When she was done she seemed to go to sleep. Pass out is more accurate! She suddenly arose at Beaverton Central and departed the train. In total she was on the train about ten minutes/three stops. Okay.

I told Gayle to have "them" meet me at the end of the bike trail from the MAX station. It was about a 1/2 mile walk that required my carrying the back of the bike. I got to the end at the allotted time but nobody was there. Molly came along having gotten off the next train. We were deciding if we wanted to start taking my bike apart to patch the hole When my phone rang. Susan called to ask where I was and I told her. She said Jeff drove all the way to the station. *mentally slaps forehead* That was what I was trying to avoid. I wanted to make this easy on those now involved. She told me to stay put and he would drive around. Molly was relieved not to play patch a flat. She didn't think she would remember all the steps.
(to be continued)

Good things come to those that show patience

I met with my (soon to be) apartment manager last night to do some paperwork. She told me (in a voice mail) to be there at 5 but I told her (same way) it would probably be 5:15 to 5:20. I rolled up on my bike at 5:18 but she didn't answer when I called her. (door buzzer is the home phone number) After about 5 or so minutes someone came out of the building and I went in the lobby. Once in I knocked on the manager's door and one of her grand daughters answered. She told me her grand mother would be back at 5:45. Great! She could have called me so I wasn't feeling like I was going to be late/holding her up. I could have gotten something to eat or done an errand. I did need to go to Lint. (I can walk to Lint anytime I want!!!!! Um, I would be best if they were open. Maybe I should buy them some glass cleaner) She went out to dinner with her best friend.

Now I suppose by now this should really tell me something. This woman seems very scattered and hard to get a hold of. She didn't remember our first meeting we had on a Wednesday night. I had to drive that day and rush home from work to pick up the kids to take them to see the apartment. We waited 20-25 minutes in the lobby before her son tracked her down in the building to remind her she had a appointment. I've given her a break since she does have her family visiting for the month including 8 grand children ages 17 to 4. I really hope that is all it is.

I got to see our actual apartment last night and I say WOW. Not special or roomy but we are on the top floor corner and have a view from our 7th floor I will enjoy. In a very remote strange (obscure) way it reminds me of San Francisco. *sigh* We face the west hills and the Fremont Bridge. I will enjoy looking out at the lights, sunsets, rain and even snow if we are lucky enough to get some.

I'm really getting excited to be back in NW Portland. I can walk to the store and errands. Powells is only a Trolley ride away as well as Downtown. We can walk to Portland State football games or Lincoln football games for that matter. I enjoy just walking the neighborhood people watching and window shopping. I'm smiling just thinking about it.

Now for the part I dislike. Asking people (hopefully for the last time) for help with moving. I have worn some folks out. I will probably get the keys this week but don't need to be out of my old place until the first of the month. If I need to I will hire someone to do the heavy furniture part. I need help with moving boxes and maybe setting up at the new or cleaning the old. I wont be taking a day off work since I'm home sick today. (yucky stomach) I will start Friday night but have a show I'm doing Saturday at 1pm. I will do more after the show and on Sunday. If you have a wagon, truck, van or trailer and/or just want to lend a hand let me know. I don't really want to rent the "$29." truck from U-Haul since for a half day it actually cost $89.! Thanks in advance. :)

Teenagers say the darnest things

Last night after dinner Nick and I are sitting on the couch chatting. Out of the blue says to me "I really like your hair color now. When you first got it done it was too purple or something but now it looks more natural." How cool is that!

Thankfully his elbow is officially not broken. They did new X-rays and did both elbows to compare. *Whew*

Where's the brake pedal?!?

A groggy good morning to you! Why do they make morning soooo early? Another question is why on little time does she type this post? Has she had coffee yet this morning? Wont she hurt herself? So many questions and no assurance of an answer!

Here is what I was thinking as I woke up this morning. I have little to no time to write what I really think and want to say. I don't know if or when that will change! Some really funny, sad, poignant, awesome, silly and unrelated things have happened in the last couple of months that I was unable to type to you all. The horror! So here is the question(s) I pose to those who read this and are brave enough to creep out of the shadows to respond:

~ Do I go without posting for days while slowly behind the screen composing a draft of one event?

~ Continue the dry semi-laid out events leaving a lot unsaid?

~ get guest writers to relay the events or totally unrelated ones?

I cant believe I could type anything at this point in my day so respond dammit! :}

I will miss my neighbors (NOT)

Monday night was unreal! I came home from work around 6pm having made a stop driving home. Two of my neighbors were having an argument in the parking lot. They are the downstairs neighbors on either side of me and chose to do it at my stairway. My neighbors, lets call them Cracky and Drug dealer, were having a financial dispute. This turned into the theme of the night. It really got going after I went to bed. At one point while Cracky was watering her plants on her back patio Drug dealer snuck in the front and took her computer. I did chuckle at that. They had several screaming matches that went on until my alarm went off at 5am. I was so tired I just set my alarm for 6am so I could try to get a little sleep.

Last night was quiet in comparison but I'm still running on empty. Only three outbursts. To bed soon but first a quick trip to get milk.

OH!!! Here you go:
Team Estrogen TV commercial airing times! All are on PAX-TV
Friday 8/12 @ 2:30 pm
Wed. 8/17 @ 7:30am
Wed. 8/24 @ 2:30pm
Wed. 8/31 @ 7:30am

Another update: The good news that you are waiting for. Wait for it. .

Let me be clear (and short)

Some misinterpreted my last post. It wasn't that I was yet another angry frustrated woman. (well. . . ) My play on words made me chuckle in my head but you all took it as I was bitter. So for the record it was a Happy fucking birthday because D.B. was in town. Get it? I GOT LAID good and proper! :) At this very moment I am smiling and very happily tired. I'm glad he had the chance to do something he really wanted to and the crew understood his time limitations he set so he could spend time with me. Kisses to you (D.B.!)

The apartment manager knew Friday the apartment was mine but didn't call me. She is a bit scattered with relatives visiting from out of town. (I hope that's all it is!) The other folks move out this week and we should get it by the 19th at the latest but probably sooner. Don't wait , sign up now for the chance to help my little family move!

If this sounds short and angry it isn't. It's after 8pm and I have to get up at 5am so. . . . nite!

Oh my what a week!

Let's get right to it as I have no time for chit chat! (The highlights for the impatient folks. I'll fill in the blanks later)

~You have an apartment. GIVE NOTICE NOW!

~You don't pass the background check. (Me?) You don't have ANY apartment.

~You owe from a year ago at your old place. (WTF???)

~9pm Wednesday night. Don't go to bed yet go take Nick to the emergency room. (you don't really want to see the pictures.)

~Go home (midnight) his elbow is ugly not broken. *whew*

~Thursday morning. You don't owe a months rent but you do. (to the old apartment) *slaps forehead* I didn't get it in writing.

~Makes deal with devil (old property management company) and some fucked up new math later needs to drop off a money order to clear my criminal name. *I fought the law and the man won*

~3:30 Thursday afternoon. Um, we reviewed the film and it's broken. (elbow) Get him to the cast room immediately. *slaps forehead again*

~4:10 pm. Driving from Hillsboro call all parties to inform them of "deal", drop money order off in NW Portland, pick Nick up and take him for his temporary cast. Manage to do all that and still make an appointment I have had for two months in Gresham (at 6:30) to get my hair cut and colored.

~Friday. All is quiet from all the folks I need to hear from except Nick. I wish his mouth was in a cast instead of his left arm.

So there you go. Happy fucking birthday to me! D.B. is here for the weekend doing a film project so yeah. ; )

Patience is a virtue

If you want to be part of the adventure, fun and wacky that is my world you need to learn some patience. I just dont have fun time on the computer (or anywhere) these days. Besides, cliff hangers give you something to look forward to.

The boys are with me full time these days so I'm a lot busier that I used to be plus trying to get a turn on the computer . . I had three extra boys this weekend so even when they did sleep the floor was covered so I couldnt get to the computer anyway. No worries, I kept busy packing, biking, going to the skate park and the CSz show last night.

The show was soooo awesome last night! Betse was ref and we played Boys vs. Girls. The teams were great and worked well together. The audience was small but it was one of the funnest shows I have been in! We all had a great time. Thanks for the great funny ladies. Oh, and Ken, thanks for laughing at me during five things. I was happy to get Tom Lekis (sp?) in a family show!