I hate to miss a day!

Hi all,

There are so many stories in my head I want to share but I cant take the time today! I need to pack, nap, do laundry, nap, eat some food, nap, fill out job applications, nap..... I think you get the idea. Rest is what I need now but I'm on the deadline clock for moving. With the boys here I haven't gotten as much done as I need to. I'm not bitching its just a fact.

Here is an enjoy the "simple things" story I will leave you with. Nick went down to get something out of the car. He came running back to show me what he got out of the free pile from the lobby. It was an over sized adjustable window screen. I was overjoyed! I hate having the window open wider that the screen so that bugs get in. Since we put it in the window I have found myself admiring it several times smiling.

Wise "blind line"

This morning as I was waking up I remembered what day it is. I don't want it to be a bigger deal than it is so I was trying to find something in my head to bring it back down. A favorite line I wrote down in my quotes section of my journal came to mind. It was the game of blind line in a Portland Comedy Sportz show. The line was "Big things come in small packages". Now I'm not really sure why that struck me as so funny at the time but it has grown on me since then. It has been used for many comparisons both good and not. I gotta say in this case it's true.

I think the biggest impact has been where my thoughts go momentarily. It is cancer. It doesn't judge you to decide if you deserve it. Then why did I feel I was any less attractive or desired because of it? it made no sense in the time it took to form as a thought! I'm no more or less "anything" because I have cancer. I am Marta.

Things are what you perceive them to be. I wont let any of my current situation hold me back from being the best "Me" I can be. I refuse to be any other way. Right now I'm Still Standing but with a determined stance, my hands on my hips daring you to try to move me.

p.s. the doctor feels confident that she got everything and the new biopsies look clean. I go back in two weeks to get the results and check how I'm healing. Since I'm not changing the name of this blog I'll go back to the usual brain leak tomorrow.

I needed that!

Thank you so much Aaron for the arrangement of last night! The boys and I had a blast! After the week of packing we needed some good clean laser killing! Just for the record I kicked bootie - Bill and Wil! The gimp beat you! hahahaha.

I want to say to all that read my ramblings that I really am okay. It has been a lot to deal with the last several months but honestly what choice do I have? I'm too stubborn to give up so I keep swinging, duck and punch. It's just what I do.

The boys are waiting for a turn so I will end now. Thank you Eugene teammates for taking my announcement in stride. It would be a lot less expensive if we could of taken care of things last night!

be good to the ones you love, Marta "Cycle Mama"

It IS a wonderful life

I'm happy with the path I have chosen. I like myself and the person I'm evolving into. I have two great boys that care about and try to protect me. I have great friends that I can turn to in a pinch. I get a lot of pleasure from my time at CSz. I have tried many new things and found new interests. It's been good to get to know the un-edited me.

I guess you could say I have had a string of hard luck this year. I've tried to keep a positive "the glass half full" mentality going. I keep going forward and tackle the problems head on. Honestly I don't see how it helps to bitch and moan when things go wrong and I'm too stubborn to just lie down and give up anyway. I'm surly being tested for some reason that I don't quite understand. Well my friends, I'm in a pinch now and could use your positive energy and help.

Three of the things you've already read about me in this blog are 1) my ankle is still a concern. I didn't get to finish my last round of P.T. or do my follow up to the ortho doc. 2) my lack of job and funds are making me temporarily homeless. I truly hope to change this ASAP. I have a place to store my furniture but I'm not sure where I'll be once I leave my apartment but I'm not freaking out about it. 3) no health insurance.

here's what you don't know . I have been diagnosed with Cervical Cancer. It's in the early stages and they don't think it's spread. I have a laser surgery at the end of the month to remove the cancer they see and take more biopsies. It was out of the blue and still seems unreal to me. I have a great doc who is being aggressive to ensure a long run for yours truly.

I don't want your sympathy but I DO need help to get through this. I have no more ideas to get me back on my feet. I'm already in debt from my ankle injury and don't know what to do about the staggering medical bills! I need a job, a place to live both temporary and permanent. Any ideas on anything would be great. I don't have major job skills since I was an at home mom and never finished college.

I'm a bit overwhelmed by all that is happening at once but I assure you I'm taking it pretty well. I could use more laughter so any cheesy jokes you have bring them on!

Let me end this post with this. "The Explosion" is a band I saw on my Birthday. They were the warm up band for "Burning Brides". I really enjoyed their 70's punk style. I really identify with one of their songs on the CD I bought. It's called "Here I Am". The refrain is:

well here I am here I am
I'm back at the crossroads again
oh let me stand let me stand let me stand
on top of the mountain again

I know I'll be back I just have to get through this . I'm a bit dazed but I'm still standing. It is a good life and I feel lucky to have the "things" I have. Thanks for your support.

Can I have 2 minutes to bitch?

It's unusual for me I know but ENOUGH! The "6 weeks" of allergy hives has turned into 3 1/2 - 4 months! I get that something is bugging the system but what is the point of mild to painful itching day and night? Okay I'm done.

The boys have been great helping me with moving. It's certainly not what they expected when they came for their two weeks with me. I've tried to have some "normal" time everyday for them. Today we need to pack and move more stuff then Saturday we have a break.

I've decided to give myself til the 5th to be out. My manager said he would talk to the office and worst case I will have to pay rent those 5 days. It's about $18. a day. It will give me a bit more time to figure where I will be. It's very hard on the boys not knowing where I will be. Strangely I'm okay with it as long as I get my stuff somewhere. I've lost too much the last two moves.

So, here's what I need from any willing folks. I'm renting a truck on Saturday Sept. 4th to move the few big pieces furniture that wont fit in my car. If someone has a van or truck that would be awesome. I really need help on this. Call or Gmail me so I know I have help.

Tomorrow I take the boys school clothes shopping. Their dad asked if I would do the deed he would pay for it. I'm such a bargain shopper. We will do that on our way to Eugene. I'm in the show Saturday at CSz. After the show we are going to play laser tag on the U of O campus. Aaron has several sets of guns/targets. It is great fun to run around in the dark "hunting" each other!

Gotta get stuff going around here. Thanks in advance! Be happy and enjoy the simple things! Kisses!

There is no place like home

I was born in San Francisco and lived there for the first four years. We lived on 18th in Sutro heights (Off Geary St.). For those not familiar with San Francisco it is above the Coast Highway near (what used to be) the Sea Cliff Restaurant. That is above the Sutro Baths. I could see the huge windmills that were built on the edge of Golden Gate Park by the sea. Their size was overwhelming to me as a small child. When they had the amusement park it was across from the seawall. It's where the Safeway now stands. We used to go there for my oldest brother Mike. He is 8 years older than me. He liked the fun house a lot but I didn't like the mechanical clown at the entrance. He was like the crazed one in the Pee Wee Herman movie. I understand your distrust of clowns, Luke.

We went to the beach like most families go to the park. My brother mike and his friends liked to surf. One of the best places to surf was on that stretch of beach close to the cliff house. The tide coming in and hitting the cliff and rocks before that causes a mean undertow. It also makes for sneaker waves. The tide could be 50 yards out one minute and 100 yards in the next. One of those got yours truly.

It was the early spring before we moved to Portland. I was 3 1/2 at the time. My dad's younger brother Gordon (aka Joe) came for a last visit before we moved. We went to the beach so my uncle could see the surfers and take some pictures. He is an amateur photographer. It was a brisk day so I was wearing my favorite heavy gray hooded sweatshirt and jeans. The adults were talking so I went to throw things in the ocean. I remember having to dig things up for my throwing. I heard yelling from far away and turned to see what was up. Next thing I remember is a strange feeling of calm and quiet being under water. Then coughing and trying to breath and my mom's hysterical crying. My uncle had sprinted head on into the ocean and in a blind grab got me by the hood. He said I was so heavy with water and sand he almost lost his grip. He lost his camera in the ocean while saving me. I guess I owe him a camera.

Scarlett had her families plantation Tara that helped her heal, renew and regain her perspective. Oddly My Tara is the ocean; the seawall in S.F. even better. Hearing a fog horn and smelling sea air combined with the scent of eucalyptus and I get such a stab in my heart! Most people don't like fog but for me it's almost as good as snow. I could so use that right now.

I have visited and lived in the bay area several times in my adult life. Occasionally something reminds me of S.F. and I get such a need to be back there. Until the boys are out of high school I'm here in P-Town but hope to move back there someday. Be prepared Mike and Marsha because when I can afford it I'm so there for a visit!

I love the rain!

The last couple of days have been heaven! I was so tired of the hellish heat. My apartment gets so hot I leave my door open with a fan blowing in cooler air from the hall. I don't like to be hot. In Marta's World to be too hot or too cold is icky. :{

The cooler weather reminds me of my favorite time of the year - Fall. The smell, cooler evenings, the colors and football games. I love to curl up with a special someone or book in front of a roaring fire.Better still is if Big Band music playing and a great bottle of red wine to enjoy. Even with the music you can still hear the pattering of the rain and the sound of car tires splashing through the puddles. It's soothing to wake up in the night and hear the steady sound of rain.

I started the draft of this post last night. Who knew we would have near "white out" conditions today. If you were out trying to drive in this today you know what I'm talking about. I have never experienced any conditions like this before. Here's the way I described it to someone who didn't see it. it was like driving in a swimming pool with a water pic shower on high. I must say it was scary but fascinating. Wow.

The real facts about camping (in Marta's World)

I felt the need to set the record straight on this subject. Some have made comment that because I like to hike it's assumed I must be a camper too. I do enjoy camping but I have to say it's Princess Style. You can blame my parents for this. When my parents friends went camping one family used old (stinky) canvas pup tents. The well to do folks would either rent a cabin close to the campsite or later they bought a big Streamline. My parents didn't like camping much so we would drive up for the day. One year my dad saved up so we could rent a camper van. I thought we hit it big! It truly was a house on wheels. Okay I was 8 or 9 at the time and hadn't seen things like that up close.

As an adult my camping habits haven't changed much. I prefer a Yurt at the beach or staying at an already established camp city of someone else's making. I like to be comfy and don't see the need to sacrifice while camping. I like to do certain things while camping that I don't always like doing at home. For instance I really enjoy hand washing dishes while camping. I have a great system and it's almost fun. Weird huh. I also like cooking on a campfire. I have some recipe's I only use while camping. I think the reason is there isn't all the usual things you have to do when your at home so the same tasks take on a new feeling. I could be the fact I'm weird.

When the kids were younger we would "camp" in the family room. I would set up a tent, air mattresses, sleeping bags and lanterns/flashlights. We would play board games in the tent and eat camp food. If it was summer we would do it in the backyard. Again not really rouging it but enjoying some of the fun of camping.

I will say I enjoy the quiet relaxed life style while camping. If you want to stay in your pj's and read all day it's okay. No phones to answer unless you choose to take your cell. It's expected that you make and eat lots of smores every night. You can really reconnect with your loved ones with all that free time or you can really get on each others nerves.

I suggest you grab some people you care about and do whatever kind of camping it is you like. Enjoy the simple things life has to offer. Now go and be happy. :o)

Which Peanuts Character are you?

I found this quiz this morning of the Peanuts gang. (quiz gone in 2008) It turns out I'm most like Peppermint Patty. There is so much I could say but I'll let you all have the fun. ;0. Take the test for yourself and let me know which Peanuts Character you are most like. Wil is Woodstock. Nick still needs to try but its not his turn on the computer yet!

My 13 year old (Nick) has always been into sports. He has played all sorts of sports in his young live but skateboarding is his passion. Last summer he passed an old board on to me. I tried on my own to get the hang of it but sucked. (I was a Roller Derby Queen in the day!) He decided to teach me. The first couple of lessons didn't go so well. I wasn't "doing it right". I told him I really wanted to learn! I wasn't going to see him for a few days so I asked him to really pay attention to the basics as he did them. Think how you could teach it to me. Next time I saw him we had a lesson and within a half hour I was boarding! I really enjoyed learning and being able to just do it. I was getting to the point in our lessons that he wanted to take me to a skate park to show me off. I had to go and sprain my ankle and mess it up!

Nick just finished a week long skate camp at Department Of Skateboarding. He was able to try and do things he has wanted to learn. He was trying a hard trick and snapped his board in half. One of the dudes said he would bring a board for Nick to use on the last day. They had some pro's on tour show up on the last day for some fun and prizes. Along with winning many cool things he was given a new board. When (pro) Paul Rodriguez heard what happened he gave Nick a board. I did inherit 1/2 his old board signed by Paul R.. Nick also won some shock trucks and better wheels. He had a blast doing something he enjoys. I've enjoyed watching him grow and push his skill level but it has renewed my interest in skateboarding. *sigh.*

Changes in Marta's World

Hi loyal readers and all others :),

I'm going to make this posting a update/ breaking news one. I'll get back to the usual brain leak tomorrow!

So about the Peanuts poll and who's who. As you already read I'm Peppermint Patty. I do agree with that answer. Wil as it turns out is Woodstock and Nick surprisingly is snoopy. A friend took the poll while he was here and he is Charlie Brown. I'm not going to give any results people don't want published. Do take the poll and let me know via comment here or my Gmail.

I will be moving by the end of the month. It's not quite a planned move. A friend offered me his basement to store most of my furniture. If anybody would like to help or have resources or suggestions contact me please.

I have a new e-mail and will probably get a post office box so I can still receive mail. If you have the old ones erase them and pencil in the new ones. Just kidding. The gmail stays! martamontgomery@gmail.com

Despite the circumstances I'm still moving forward in a positive manner. I have two great kids and wonderful friends. I consider the CSz community my family. At times of crisis you are all a great big hug so thank you.

not anything else I can think of for now. gotta go supervise my boys packing! Kisses to you all!

Deeg, I could've done it without you!

A year and a half ago I went through and unexpected event that sent me reeling. Deeg ,as most, was just as shocked as me. He was there for me and wouldn't let me fall. We went through it together. We had evenings of long talks, crying and lots of wine to dull the pain. I could not have survived that time without you, Deeg. Your strength helped me find my own so thank you. For the rest of you who may not know what I'm talking about I will enlighten you.

The person that helped me when my family turned their back on me was a friend at that time but became much more. I wasn't looking for a relationship but I was alone, confused and vulnerable. I needed to belong. I know now that it was a bad choice of relationship and it wouldn't have gone as far as it did had my support system been there. I'm not placing blame or removing responsibility from myself. What I am saying is it probably would have not been the "all being" relationship it was. I also think it wouldn't have lasted very long in "normal" circumstances. I believed the fantasy heart and soul. He had all of us, and I do mean all of us, believing the fantasy. When he dropped the bomb that he was in love with someone from his past and breaking up with me his family and our friends were in shock. He had told me from the beginning he had never wanted to marry anyone but he couldn't imagine his life without me. He made his family mine and my boys. We were so good together seeming to balance out the other. We were even voted the cutest couple in comedy by the stand up community.

The reason I bring this up now is I'm surprised at the strength I have found within me. It had to have always been there I just didn't know or believe in it or me. I have learned a lot about myself in the last 3 years but the majority of the growth has been in the last year and a half. I know that at the end of the day it's just me and I'm okay with that. What I mean to say is I like me and enjoy and look forward to "me time". I give the best pep talks and don't let stuff slide by. I'm honest but not harsh on me. I guess you could say I'm my own best friend so I can be a good friend to others.

I don't think I have it all figured out cause I think since we live in an ever changing world you cant. I just think I'm on my way to owning a good set of tools.

"you think you know what's to come - who you are. You have just begun." the first slayer talking to buff through Tara BVS

Deeg at Three waterfalls in the Columbia Gorge.

Summer memories

Now that my boys are here for 2 weeks I'm reminded of my summers as a kid. As with most memories of the past I remember things in a dreamy haze. I know it wasn't all good and happy and I was certainly bored to insanity more than once. All in all it was a good childhood.

There were tons (25 or so) of kids to play with. There were all ages so my brothers and I all had someone our age. We usually played all together for a majority of the time but broke up into smaller groups. near dinner time we would be in a group game and kids would get called for dinner until there were none left. Games we would play are:

-red light green light

-red rover

-hide and seek

-reverse hide and seek

-baseball / kickball / football

-treasure hunt

-simon says

We lived near forest park so there were planned hikes both short and long. We also had a tribe game we played. We "lived in the woods" and lived off the land. It was a great game that would take days to play. The usual cops and robbers and cowboys and indians were mixed in here and there as well.

Probably the most fun of all for the neighborhood was the roller derby skates faze. We loved going to the roller rink but it was hard to coordinate so we all purchased skates. We would roll en mass all over the neighborhood. Since sidewalks just went on and on it was pretty easy. My street wasn't a culdesac but just one long street.

I know the parents were pushed to the limit since most of us never wanted to take our skates off. If we had to go to the bathroom or come in for a meal we kept our skates on and "walked". At first they fought it but they finally gave up. Great memories. I only hope my boys can look back and feel the same.

A twist of fate pt II: How did you do this again?

The doctor told me to get some ice and sit with foot up. I knew Peter (my mgr.) wasn't going to take this well. I got a note from the doctor (for Peter) and an appointment to return in 2 weeks to check my progress. I wasn't supposed to work for that 2 weeks. I was living paycheck to paycheck at this point. Our store was floundering so I wasn't getting enough hours to live on as it was! Good thing about working for a corporation is the benefits. I applied for short term disability (S.T.D.) right away since it takes some time and tons of paperwork. I was still waiting to hear on that when it was time to go back to the doctor.

If I had a penny for every time someone asked me " how did you do this again?" I would have more pennies than I could easily carry around. I wish I had a much better story of how this happened. I even tried to pass one off . The problem with it was anyone who knew me would start laughing after my opening sentence. Here, let me show you. "so I was in this one night stand..." I told you before I'm a terrible liar.
When I went back to the doctor he couldn't belief my lack of progress. He asked "the question" at least twice and sent me away with a slip to get another x-ray and a referral to an orthopedic surgeon. He also gave me another note for peter extending my time off for another month. He wanted to get me into POOH but felt we needed to do more healing first.

Before I was to see the other Doc he referred me to radiology for an M.R.I.. the purpose of a M.R.I is to look for signs of muscular and bone damage a regular x-ray wouldn't show. I know you are all wondering so I will just say yes. Each person I saw in the progression of health care providers asked "The question" in near disbelief. The more time that passed it took on a comical quality.

By the time I saw other doc it had been about a month since that fateful day. He wanted to get me back on both legs and back to work so he had me fitted for a walking cast. He gave the okay for PT and wanted to see me in a month. Things were getting back to normal or so I thought. Work rejected my walking cast for safety and health code reasons. CRAP!! I couldn't return to work until I could do so without my cast.
thankfully around this time my S.T.D. kicked in and I could pay rent. Lots of phone time and paperwork involved but I'm thankful I had this. It didn't pay the amount I was used to but it was something!

My life as I was used to it changed drastically from that day forward. Being the independent gal I am suddenly needing to rely on others for simple things was hard. Some can give testimonials that I would borderline on difficult at times. Hard to believe I know. :) since then I have had to change the way I do things and give up some things I really enjoy. It's okay 'cause I'm still standing- just differently.

You didn't let me down pt II: A good time was had at karaoke

as I already said I had a blast Monday night! One of the reasons was the fact that people seemed to put their personal conflicts aside and came together for the evening. I know when you have a small diverse group not everybody is going to get along all of the time. Especially when there is a lot of overlap in their time together. So thank you all for a great evening. I for one needed a night of merriment with people I enjoy and am I comfortable with.


I know I didn't do the promised song but I had my Peter Brady on! I can safely say that was allergy induced. Not sure at this point what could be new or stronger to add to the allergies other than the layer of smog we are getting. One day soon I shall grab that mic and shock you all! In the meantime I keep dodging singing games in shows but would do it if was called for. Good or bad sing loudly and proudly. :)
I know I promised details of the evening but in remembering a great evening to those who weren't there can sometimes make it sound sorted. For those who were there nothing that happened was new or different for that gathering. So I shall just leave it at that

I look forward to one day doing Karaoke in the Bay area with Mike and Marissa. Hopefully one or both will come back to visit and sing. I'm hoping Sam will do the same too! You are all missed.

Not to worry

I try to keep a "the glass is half full" perspective on my life. I have some heavy decisions to make and deal with right now. The reason I'm writing this is to let you know that if I don't seem my usual positive adorable self not to worry. What you can do is send positive energy my way. For some reason 'we' have to be tested regularly by the entity in charge of the universe. To really see what we are made of and how much we can handle without being broken. Well, I'm still standing and plan to stay that way! So be honest but kind to me and I will soon have my stuff worked out.

I will have my boys for two weeks starting Thursday so be patient if my posts are wacky, few, and almost gibberish. We are going to come up with a system of sharing the computer without it turning into a dictatorship. (I hope) kisses to all!

A simple twist of fate

on march 29th 2004 at 10: 45 in the morning i was walking home from work. it was a beautiful spring day and i was looking forward to a walk through a big park near by for exercise . i was also taking my camera along in hopes of some cherry blossom shots. work had been uncomfortable but that day i rocked and was in a great mood. i was going over what i needed to gather to get going. there were a couple of cars waiting at the stop sign so i decided to walk a bit closer to my building before i crossed the street. i was almost across from the front door so i went to cross between two cars. they were parked close together so when i stepped down off the curb i stepped on the edge of a hole i didn't see. i so didn't expect that. i went down fast and hard. as it was happening i knew i had really messed up. the bag containing my cd player, some cd's, my journal and the small ceramic coffee cup i had just won as a prize went flying (and breaking) all over the street. It's a busy street so i tried in my pain amidst a string of profanity to retrieve my items. one attempt to move and i realized one of my worst fears had come true. the sole bread winner was down!

I have worked hard the last 3 years to be self sufficient. I have not gone out partying on the night before a early morning (early is 3:20am) shift at work. Common sense I know but a lot of my co-workers do it regulary. I would resist buying that awesome pair of shoes that I would love to have but didn't need. I always made sure I had rent and bills covered before all else. Don't give me the sainthood quite yet. What I'm saying is there was nobody around to be my back up. (that's a whole set of stories I will eventually get to) I'm proud of the person I am and evolving into. I have always been and still am a responsible person. Yeah for me because I had paid the extra for health insurance. In the 1 1/2 years I worked there I never really needed it. Some co-workers even had said I should cancel it so I would have extra spending money. I just felt better knowing if I needed it i had it. Well i was gonna need it now!

The Fire Marshal was coming to do an inspection of the sprinkler system in my building. He was freaked out watching me go down and putting sailors everywhere to shame with my string of profanity at a increased volume . He gathered my items and helped me hop to my building. Once inside I took it from there and got to my apt. My right knee was bleeding pretty good and I had to get my shoe and sock off while I still could. I was in a lot of pain so I allowed myself a few minutes of crying then I called work to ask if the next person to get off would take me...... wait... where do I go? I had no clue since I never had an emergency! I had to play corporate phone transfer til one lady told me my options. That burned up most of the hour I spent waiting for Jasmine to show up.

She was new at my store and to Portland so S didn't really know her very well. She used the spare keys I kept in my locker to get in my place. She got me Advil and cleaned my knee up. She even helped me change out of my uniform! She and her husband drove me cross town to my doctors office. I told them they didn't have to wait for me. I was being fit in so who knew how long I would be. Sara, my friend who lived next door, worked over that way and would be getting off about the time I'd probably be done.

The doctor asked me more than once " How did you do this again?" After an exam and x-ray it was determined that I had severely sprained my ankle and had to stay off it for sometime. Ouch.

you didnt let me down!

I'm so glad I made the trip for karaoke because I had a blast last night! The evening was filled with great music, awesome performances, cock blocking, fruit flavored drinks, lots of laughter and good old fashion make out sessions. You really can't ask for more than that in one evening! I will get to a more detailed post later but I have to wrestle with the boys for the computer so it may be late tonight or tomorrow. stay tuned to Marta's World if you dare. It's not for the faint of heart. :)

Bloggers make the best karaoke singers

The same friends I do improv with are also serious karaoke folks. They have personal play lists and go crazy at a new karaoke venue drooling on the song book. I don't want to call them karaoke snobs but they only do songs they know they can do well and never done in humor. I've always thought of karaoke as silly fun. Don't get me wrong, they have lots of fun and support each other but it can cause some performance anxiety to a newbie. I think I have an okay voice. I was in the choir in high school and sounded good with the other second sopranos.

Never in the many months of hanging with these folks have I done a song. At first it was because I was catching up with people. I should mention that this happens in Eugene not Portland. I wasn't avoiding doing it but it just never happened. I think I did turn in a song once late in the evening but it was too late. Then near the end of the walking cast phase of my recovery (yes, another story I will get to!) I had tonsillitis for almost 2 months! They actually threatened to remove them if I didn't get better! grrrr! I couldn't sing for awhile then I could do lower notes but not much else. It wasn't funny like the Brady Bunch episode when the kids formed a music group. They did it to win money to buy their parents an anniversary present. Peters voice started to change a couple days before the contest so Greg re-wrote his hit song to accommodate peters crackly voice. I just sounded bad!

It's been 3 months and I have more of a range but still not great. Honestly I think it's allergies more that a need to snip! If we transition into fall/winter and it's still a problem then I'll know. I don't have the lovely health insurance now so...I'll cross that bridge when I have to.

Two of the gang moved to California late July. One of them has come back for a week to visit mommy and friends. I hope to make the trip so I can see her at Monday night karaoke. She is entertaining and enthuiastic - fun to watch. They are both missed but she can shake it while cranking out a tune. Not sure I can do this just now but I'm a crazy spontaneous gal. I might finally do a song such as it will sound. :)

I'm Still Standing!!

I figure I should explain the title to this blog. Like most things it's longer than one entry so bear with me. my writing style makes some people cringe but keep reading it might grow on you. If not no worries.

Three years ago I had to make a hard decision that hurt people I loved. I had to start my life on my own for the first time. My support system (my family) that I thought would always be there withdrew. Actually they believed my (now ex) husband. This was bizarre since I always tell the truth. I don't have it in me to lie and you can tell from my face if I am trying. I learned that as a small child. I was truly alone and confused. The person who had been a great friend stepped in and was my support. (this is the bigger painful lesson I learned) I felt that I was truly in the fight for my life. "they" kept pushing and punching trying to knock me down and out. Things got tough but no matter what (you got it) I was Still Standing. I went down on one knee more than once but something in me just kept me going. (BTW I used to box thus the fighting metaphors)

Don't get out any kleenex because this isn't a sad story. I have had some tough times sure and I have learned some valuable things along the way. The most important things I learned is I'm a strong woman, more than that I learned to trust and believe in myself and like me. Like any journey you make wrong turns and errors in judgment. I certainly made my share of mistakes and suffered from them but that is why I found the strength to be the awesome, hot, strong, funny and easy going gal I am today!

There is (as always) more to the story. In the coming posts it will all be revealed. after all, I'm an open book.

Now that I've started the words in my head!

After waiting what seemed years but was really only 16 hours I finally get another turn on the computer! I love my boys dearly but they are computer nazi's! They don't get that from me. :) To be fair they aren't allowed to use the computer at their house but come on!! I'm done ranting for now.

There is so much that wants to come rushing out I don't know where to start! How about a glimpse into how I really do enjoy the simple things? Let me start by giving you a bit of back round.

I live in a urban apartment . I really enjoy where I am and it was a block from work . the building I live in is a funky old place with big windows, pocket doors and claw foot tubs. the downfall to this place is the apt. sizes available. most are single and double studios with one 1br and a couple 2 br. thrown in for fun. I was lucky enough to get one of the double studios on the corner so I have cross ventilation. Mine is also one of the few that haven't been butchered to make it modern. It has been hellishly hot for a week or so making my world uncomfortable. (I dislike being too hot or cold) this morning I woke up to slightly over cast skies. It is cooler and strangely quiet for a saturday. After I started the coffee I moved the areo bed and got out my outdoor folding chair. (my oldest son was still asleep on the only place besides the bed to sit) as I sat down I had a happy feeling. something about the day and the chair reminded me of camping. I got a goofy smile on my face and basked in the good feeling.

great day to start something new!

Well,

I'm not usually one to follow the sheep but in this case I did! It started out innocently enough by getting the site addresses of friends. I would look at their blogs and journals when I remembered to but I soon found myself logging on just to view their sites. In fact it got to be a self made frustration! Logging on to view the latest and they didn't even have the courtesy to update! Wanting to post comments so I got a user name and started but didn't finish setting up a blog of my own. I wondered if people would really want to read my positive quirky outlook on life and could do so without getting sick? It sat unfinished for a few days, really forgotten until , a friend "traced" my user name to my "in name only" blog. The comment that came out of the blue made me feel I was caught (deer in the headlights). I gave the lame excuse that I had never made my web page so ..... "you should get on that" I was told. Okay now I feel I gotta follow through on this since I went that far. (for those of you who don't know me I know just enough about computers to be dangerous.) It took me most of a day and TONS of calories burned from frustration! the first seven pages I set up were cool. The next several were okay and the final product is just what I made to get here. Actually the page is just a page but cute and useful in it's own right. Check it out if you want. That's all for now as two teens are nagging for their (god given) right for a turn NOW! Welcome to My World.